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[🌧️] God Help Us ~ Utah Angst

RATING: Mature, Angst, Homophobia, Religious Trauma, Rape mentions, Explicit Language, Hateful Language
PAIRING: Colorado x Utah
SUMMARY: I'm sorry for this, BUT IT HAS AN OK ENDING

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No one's pov

Utah was a quiet kid, he loved his religion and carried the holy book with him everywhere he went. To the world he was a kind boy with a great future! And he was of course, but everything changed for the worse when he turned 12.

Utah ran into the church up to his pastor, his father(/srs), he showed father his pride flag painted on his cheek. He felt so happy when the lady at the booth painted it on him. But his father stood and smacked him so hard he fell down the stairs of his church.

Utah looked up at his father, rage had filled his eyes as the boy stood up again. "You will wash that off or your sins will become unrepentant. Your body will forever burn in the pits of he-"

Utah had already run out the church. He quickly washed the rainbow off as a group of boys walked past: Wyoming, Colorado, and Idaho. Colorado waved at him and he waved back.

Utah had yet to realize that what his father meant about his sins was not just the face paint but his feelings, the ones he assumed were unstoppable. He was called into his fathers office. They yelled at him, beat him, whipped him, they even let a woman who had to have been much older then him touch and rape him. All because he was gay.

Utah left the church that day feeling numb. He prayed to god that this would never happen again. He chose to stay away from the other boys. He only went near West Virginia and Florida. He could only trust them. Colorado wondered why he was suddenly so distant.

Utah began sprouting homophobia at the age of 14. Half of the things he said he didn't understand, but he could not let anyone know of his true feelings. Which became a big issue as he turned 16.

At the age of 16 Utah started hanging around Colorado and Nevada a bit more. But he quickly cut them off as Colorado and he grew closer than friends. Colorado was the most endearing person, he wanted him so badly but it was simply his lust or his gluttony that could not get the better of him. Colorado watched as one day Utah was returning his smirks and then the next how he would barely speak to him and avoid him at all costs. Colorado hadn't explored his sexuality or dating, and only assumed Utah was being a jackass for no reason.

Fast forward to a much nearer past.

All of the states moved in together to make meetings easier. Utah and Colorado sat together on the couch. Utah would cheer for the Broncos with Colorado and even adapted Florida's habit of calling him Coco. But Utah still refused to admit he liked the guy.

Louisiana asked him, Florida asked him, DC asked him, Georgia asked him, his response was always the same. 'I'm not a fag.'

Coco started looking into sexuality eventually. He began identifying himself as bisexual proudly in 2014. Utah expressed disgust for this even though the little 12 year old boy in him got so happy seeing Coco with a bi flag on his cheek. It's all he really even wanted.

Utah always tried to direct his homophobia away from Colorado. If Colorado ever seemed offended or was around he'd apologize, take it back, or not say it. He still prayed every night his feelings would go away. And every night Colorado and him would sit down even closer and watch football.

One night things seemed different. It was an early February night. A surprising amount of people had come to watch the Broncos game, normally it was just 2-3 not counting Colorado and Utah.

Texas, which made sense cause it was against the cowboys, but then also Florida, Louisiana, California, Nevada, Wyoming, Arizona, New Mexico, and Minnesota. It was suspicious and Utah walked into the kitchen to grab a beer. He returned and plopped down, cracking the beer open. A lot of the guys were watching him slightly. "What? if you wanted a beer you should've asked while I was over here." Everyone took their attention off him.