Real or Not Real {Harry Potter}

Fifty Two

-Gale Song-

-beyond my mind & destiny i won't fight-

-i love you just the same-

Holiday break without Sirius hardly felt like Christmas at all. Harry knows that this was unavoidable, and he really only got to have Christmas with Sirius last year, but he feels the emptiness all the same.

At least Sirius has never stepped foot in the Burrow. Harry thinks that if they were to return to Grimuald Place again, he would see the ghost of Sirius haunt all of the rooms he stood in, the items he touched, and in the food he would help cook.

He wishes that Bria were here, as she would understand what it was like to no longer celebrate holidays when your loved one is dead. Bria would understand how Harry feels without Sirius' presence, because she had to do the same with Cedric.

But Bria has been at Bran's this past week, before coming to the Burrow tomorrow. She couldn't stay at Bran's for all of break, not wanting her to be all alone while Bran has to be at St. Mungo's for sixteen hour shifts in the middle of a brewing war.

Bran instead, took a week off so they could celebrate Christmas and New Year's a whole week early and Bria will be spending the rest of break with Harry and the Weasleys.

Hermione, for obvious reasons, decided to not attend the Burrow this break, much to Harry's disappointment. He thought he would be happy without having to split his time between Ron, Hermione, and Bria, and have a nice period where he and Ron could hang around like old times.

That might have been true, once, if Ron had not been enlightened to the world of kissing and girlfriends. Suddenly, it's all Ron could talk about. How Lavender is annoying, but how she kisses nice; how great she is, but this annoys him. What Hermione could be doing right now, and why she's annoying, how lucky Harry is that Bria is so understanding.

Harry chose not to point out the fact that Harry and Bria's relationship is fake, whereas Ron's is very much real.

Christmas Eve is spent enjoyable, despite the aching hole in Harry's heart from the reminder of Sirius' absence. Lupin makes it better, spending most of the night entertaining Harry's ideas of Malfoy being a Death Eater and the messages behind his and Dumbledore's meetings.

Harry can't help but notice how Tonks keeps looking in their direction, but Lupin is pointedly not looking at her. In fact, he has positioned himself in a way that makes it unable for him to look at her at all. It hasn't stopped Remus' shoulders from scrunching up, aware of Tonk's gaze on them.

Harry doesn't know what might or might not have happened between them, and he would like to keep it that way. Tonks is great, but she's no Sirius. And even though Sirius and Lupin never explicitly told him what exactly was going on between the two of them, Harry knew they had forged a connection stronger than brotherhood.

He knows that Lupin was just, if not more, devastated by Sirius' death. Lupin knows how hard it is to live without Sirius here with them.

He wishes that he could be at Grimauld Place, with Sirius, with Lupin staying the night and Bria and Hermione with him and the Weasleys. Harry feels as though a feeling like that, the feeling of the most important people in his life all in one room, will never happen again.

But of course, this isn't Grimauld Place. Lupin has to leave, because there's no Sirius for him to stay with. Ron went to bed a little while ago, in a bad mood without Hermione here. Hermione isn't here because of Ron, and Bria has her own family now.