All The Colors Of You || Bang Chan

Chapter Thirteen - Chan

I wake up with Perrie's head on my chest.
We must have fallen asleep hours ago because the sky behind the windows is getting brighter.

I don't dare to move.
She's so warm.
Our bodies are entangled with each other, her legs wrapped up in mine, her arm draped over my stomach.
Her hair is flared out over her back, a river of ember-red gold flowing down her shoulders, over my arm and the pillow were laying on.

I shift the tiniest bit, just so I can place an arm over her back.
She sighs as if she felt me move, but she doesn't wake up.
I find the ends of her hair and take a strand between my fingers.
Her hair is so soft.
I let the strand glide between my fingers. I twirl it around and watch the color shift in the morning light.

I don't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep as deep as this.
My head is a little dizzy, probably from all the wine, but my heart is as light as a feather.
She moves in her sleep, pulling me closer, tightening her grip around my middle.
I can't believe I'm here with her.
When was the last time I felt this at peace?
No stress, no pressure.
Just a boy and a girl, sharing a moment of quiet.

I allow myself another ten minutes of being in her embrace. I allow myself to daydream a little bit.
I rarely do it, it always leads to heartbreak and disappointment.
But I dare to think about how my life would be if I weren't an idol and I'd have met Perrie somewhere on the street.
I wonder where I'd be if Perrie and I had met earlier in my life.
I wonder what would have happened if I had let her kiss me last night.

I had wanted it.
Never in my life had I been as needy for something as her lips on mine.
The curves of her are pressed against me right now and I can barely contain myself, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself after that kiss.
It took everything in me not to pull her on my lap, kiss her neck, and slip my hand under her shirt right then and there.

Even now, I can feel the tension all over my body at the mere thought of the thin layers of clothing between our bodies.
I drag my eyes away from her soft face and stare at the ceiling.
I should go.
I've been gone all night, I'm sure Bin and the others at the flat are worried about me.
I haven't even told them that I'd be staying out.
I need to check my phone.

With a sigh, I unclasp Perrie's arm from
my waist and unwind our legs.
She doesn't wake up.
She barely even flinches, just rolls together into a ball and buries her face in the pillows.
I roll over and stand from the couch. I sway from side to side.
I guess the alcohol is still in my system, a little bit at least.
With another look at Perrie, I take one of the fluffy blankets she has draped over the back of the couch, and cover her body with it.

Then I take my phone to call an Uber and grab my stuff from the kitchen.
Perrie is still asleep when I take a pen and scribble a few words onto a napkin from the paper roll.
I sign it and place it next to her on the couch so she sees it when she wakes up.
Then my phone vibrates with a notification that my Uber is here and I cross the floor to her entry door.
I slowly and quietly pull it close behind me.
Somehow it feels like sneaking out after a one-night-stand, only worse.

It's half past six in the morning when I finally get to the apartment.
Everything is quiet, I guess everyone is asleep.
I sneak into my room and drop my stuff on the bed.
I'm not tired. I feel more alive, more awake than ever.
I take a seat at the desk and turn on some lights. I put up my laptop, I connect my headphones.
I get to work.

Words are appearing in my head.
Words, phrases, sentences.
My head fills with lyrics - or what could be lyrics.
I move on autopilot, scribbling down lyrics at the same time as I tap beats into my program.
I fix the melodies, I generate new flows.
It comes to me so naturally, it feels like I've been carrying it all with me all this time and it is simply bursting out now.
It's so easy.
It's what I'm meant to do.

I don't even notice how time passes until someone places a hand on my shoulder.
I spin and come face to face with Jisung.
"Good morning," he says, "When did you get home? We were so worried about you."
"I'm so sorry, Jisung-ie," I stand to hug him and he pats my back, "I got home around six. I was at Perrie's."
"Oh?" Jisung grins and his eyebrows move suggestingly, "How was it? Did you have fun?"
I roll my eyes but I'm smiling.

"It's not like that, you know," I say and drop down in my chair again. "We made pizza at her place and watched a movie. We had a bit to drink and you know-... Cuddled. But then we fell asleep."
"Aw," Jisung pouts, "That's so nice. Did you have a good time?"
"The best."
I sigh happily and Jisung pats my shoulder, nodding.

"Good," he says, "That's good. But I actually came in to tell you that the boys are coming over in a few minutes and we're all going to practice at the training room."
"Right," I stand from my chair and walk over to the closet, "Good call. The fundraiser concert. We really gotta get on it. I'll be ready in ten."
Jisung turns and opens my door.
Before he can close it behind him, a thought pops into my head.

"Do you think she'd like to come?"
Jisung turns with raises eyebrows.
"Who? Perrie?" He shrugs and leans against the doorway. "Sure. You should ask her but make sure the team knows you're inviting someone beforehand. And also, the concert is in three weeks so you better shoot your shot before it's too late."
I nod and my attention drifts back and forth between Perrie, the concert, and today's practice.

"I'll do it," I grab my phone as Jisung leaves my room. "I'll text her right now. I'll do it."