Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[2.33] rita's van

The humming and juddering of the ladies rickety van did not for one second help Ciara's splitting headache. But the offering of a couple more cigarettes, plus the something a little stronger in her boot, seemed to do the trick for a moment. She seemed to phase in and out of being completely and utterly out of it. So much so that she hadn't noticed the distinct lack of the wee english fella that always appeared at her side over anyone else's. "We totally suit," Michelle fawned, clutching a cardboard cut out as if it were her life line.

"Oh aye you do. Proper match," Chip responded, her voice trailing into a grumble as another wave of dizziness stole her speech as if it often did.

The girls just thought she was sleeping, her head resting on Chelle's shoulder and never falling off despite how much the girl moved. No one knew that she had passed out much as they didn't know the reason behind her lack of consciousness.

"Will you shut the fuck up?" Rita yelled, startinging Ciara away from her now sleepy state. Her eyelids hung heavy, vision blurred and she was still rather unable to make out the conversation around her. She blinked as quickly as her heavy lids would allow, rather confused to what was actually going on. She could feel that the van had stopped and could vaguely see the open door of it, blurry heads crowded around outside. "So as far as I can make out, you think you left this James character back where I picked you up? The small annoying one thinks we should go back for him because...?"

"They were so angry with us, he could be in danger Rita!" a rather distressed Clare yelled, trying to convince the others to go back for James. Chip didn't see why it should be an argument but she was far too out of it to think of anything to be used to convince them.

Rita nodded, taking a drag of her cigarette, "And the mouthy curly one thinks we shouldn't because...?"

"Because he's a dickhead, Rita," Chelle shrugged, her reply greatly juxtaposed Clare's desperation. In fact Michelle looked rather fed up, eager to get to the concert as soon as possible. 

Rita shook her head, unable to make a discussion. "See, it's tricky," she half murmured, sitting back as if withdrawing from the conversation. Chip suddenly, as if the smoke around her eyes had passed momentarily, had an idea that would lead to the outcome that she wanted.

"Chelle, James has the tickets," she called from the van, her voice soft and almost horace as she slowly sat up. Her impromptu nap did make her feel just a little bit better. It was easier to hold her head up and she could actually make out the people in the door of the van now.

Michelle sighed deeply, throwing her hands up in frustration, "Shit!"

-

Ciara stayed hidden in the van during the entire rescue mission of James. There wasn't room for her in the door with everyone else there anyway, plus she didn't quite trust her legs just yet. As she heard James' approach to the van, she sat up and wiped her face. She wanted to look the least suspicious possible, given that he knew and could easily out the pieces together. She thought it wouldn't have taken long for him to notice if she didn't act as if everything was fine. James however, noticed straight away. He was well practised in reading the signs in her eyes now more than ever.

"How was Jonjo?" she laughed softly as he almost fell into the seat next to her, letting out a brief sigh of relief.

"Apparently i'm a very good salesmen."

"Are you, aye?" she marvelled jokingly, a smile tugging on both their lips. He watched as hers fell, replaced by a distinct frown of pain as another swift wave of the dizziness crossed over her head.

"Chip, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine," she sniffled, forking a shaking hand through her hair as it was beginning to fall in front of her eyes and was getting rather annoying. He gave her a look, a look in which she knew that he knew she was lying. He knew something greater was going on and from the furrowing of his brow, she knew it was not a pitied response. He was just genuinely greatly concerned for her wellbeing. She sighed and avoided his gaze altogether, instead starting at a misprinted shirt that Clare had left on the floor earlier. She cleared her throat, nervously fiddling with her hands in her lap. "I'm not..... well. I mean... I'm not okay."

"I'm guessing you haven't eaten for a while?"

His question came so abrupt, seemingly so out of pocket that she looked up. She hadn't expected him to ask such a question, nor for it to cause a reaction like it did within her mind. She saw concern within his eyes yet again but this time found absolutely no judgement lingering within them - when before she could have sworn to have seen just a glint. "Aye," she whispered, not wanting the others to hear their conversation. They seemed too distracted by the music blaring from a rattly radio anyway. Swiftly, he took a singular red apple from a random pocket in his jacket and offered it to her. She looked at him, down at the apple, then back up once again. "J... I can't."

"You're going to faint Ciara," he whispered, still holding the apple out for her to take. She wasn't going to tell him that that had already happened.

She sighed softly, "I know, I know, I just... I can't."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No," she whispered softly, feeling some form of tears brewing in her eyes. They weren't the type that would fall, just created a glazed sort of look in her eyes. Ciara fought desperately to fight the voices in her head, to get one over them as she had before. But she was in the phase of what her therapist called consistently inconsistent. Some days the voices would dull and she could beat them, other days they fought furiously and prevented her from even thinking about touching a morsel. She slowly took the apple and turnt it over in her hand, momentarily losing herself to the part of her mind that simply wanted to prevent what she so needed. James, after seeing the furrowing of her brow and the fight in her eyes, placed a hand over hers (which lay on her bounding leg). She smiled softly, feeling so comforted that she got one over the voices and took a bite from the apple - the sound disturbed the others but they paid absolutely no attention.

"Oh and um," she trailed off, digging into her pocket with one hand. She pulled out the tickets to the concert and placed them in his palm before taking another bite from the apple. He sent her such a confused stare as she chewed that she quickly swallowed and explained. "Chelle thinks you have them, convinced her to come back and get you."

He, after warily glancing to Michelle, tucked the tickets into his jacket while sending her a thankful smile.