Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[1.12] clare

Ciara and Clare had created a tradition on the third week after they met after figuring out that they could so easily talk to each other about any sort of thought that popped into their heads. Chip and Clare were both each other's safety net, a person that they could tell anything to without judgement and receive the necessary advice if they needed it. They had been through dozens and dozens of topics but one thing always remained a secret for Chip, it was the only thing that she never told Clare. They met on the third of every month, whether it was a weekend or a weekday. They would often visit various cafes and always try out different things on the menu, well it would appear like they would. Chip valued their meetings so much that on the one occasion that they couldn't meet, due to her inpatient that the girls believed was a random holiday, she became so overwhelmed and anxious about all the thoughts racing in her head that she could not do anything for the rest of the day. Chip liked a routine and when that routine was disrupted, she struggled greatly.

"I have something to tell you," Clare blurted as soon as Chip slumped herself into the cold, wooden chair opposite her. They had been to this particular cafe once or twice, Clare loved the milkshakes and Chip quite simply adored the massive display of various desserts that she could not bring herself to eat. She loved the patterns in the cream, the layers of biscuits and all the other details that created such a delicious looking dessert.

"No hello first?" Chip chuckled, bringing her attention away from the dessert case in order to pay full attention. In doing so, she felt forced to hide a frown at the look on Clare's face. She had paled exponentially, a tremor to her hands quickly made itself known. She, quite frankly, looked as if she was going to boke at any given moment. "Christ Clare you look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm nervous," she blurted once again, gaze floating from place to place. "This is... big."

Instead of making a crude joke as she so felt like doing, Ciara cleared her throat as her own nerves had started to bite at her voice. "Oh Aye? Take your time, no rush," she smiled reassuringly, trying her best to not directly stare at Clare as she knew it would only make her more nervous.

"I've been doing some thinking, self reflecting with the journal that you got me for Christmas," Clare paused and looked up from her twisting hands, seeing that Chip was just listening intently with absolutely no wave of focus. "And I realised something about myself. It's a really big thing and I mean well, I've sorta always known it. Well not really but looking back on things like, it's kinda obvious.... " she paused her ramblings and took a deep breath, steading her hands flat on the table. "I like girls."

Chips eyes widened but softened at the same time, voice coming out quieter than it had before as she asked, "You do?"

"Aye, I do," Clare grinned with a sigh, her shoulders looking as if they had just lost a great weight off the top of them.

"I'm happy for you Clare," Ciara smiled softly and in such a way that she knew Clare would not twist it in her mind and overthink later. "And I'm glad you told me."

"My hands are so sweaty," Clare laughed softly, lifting her hands from the table in front of her. She left behind sweat marks on the table, almost pooling at the tips of her fingers and the middle of her palm. She was sure that if she had a piece of paper and laid it onto the surface of the table, it would have easily picked up a hand print that primary school children would envy.

"Aye so they are," Ciara laughed, trying to make her feel as comfortable as she could.

"So you have any news then?"

"Not that I can think of," Ciara shrugged, feeling rather awkward by the sudden conversation change.

Clare, clearly, did not believe it for a second. She looked down to the milkshake in front of her , hiding a partial frown, "Anything you need to get off your mind or talk about? Any...problems?"

She sighed deeply, physically feeling her lungs fill with air, "Not really. Just the usual stuff."

Clare hesitated, "You know what your real problem is Chip? You don't give people a chance to help you."

"Help with what? Apart from the mild addiction to nicotine I'm doing fine," Chip shrugged, avoiding all eye contact in the least suspicious way possible.

"You seem more distant lately."

"New school year, it's stressing me out," she paused, sighing deeply as she began to play with the ring on her middle finger - she had stolen it from Cal's bedroom that morning. "Plus things at home are kinda tense between Mammy and Cal. We both hate his friends."

"Oh those dickheads? He still hangs around with them?"

"He enthuses that they're nice people, just not when they're on the drink. And they're always drunk around ours."

"Adult life huh," Clare laughed, earning a disapproving glare from an old man sitting on the table adjacent to them.

"Oh aye. Riveting," Chip laughed too while looking at the table, trying to avoid the glare of the disapproving man. Once Clare had finished her milkshake and more chatter had been shared, the two left the cafe and spent the rest of their joint walk back trying to find potential matches for Clare. They quickly found out and figured out what her type was based on process of elimination and the walk only became more interesting from there.