This Friend | Yeonbin

62

Soobin P.O.V

Taehyun and I are parked out front of our place. Dad’s car is still here, so I know that he’s home.

“What are you waiting for?” he asks.

Good question. Courage, I guess?

There’s never going to be a perfect time for these hard conversations. It’s better to just get it over with.

“You sure he’s not going to lose his mind?” I ask.

“No, I’m not. But tell him about school in California.”

I have no idea how school will make a difference. But whatever.

“You’ve got this,” says Taehyun. “Just do what you did with me, and you’ll be fine.”

On that note, we both get out of the car.

Inside, Dad is behind the closed door of his office.

I rap my knuckles against the wood.

“I’m working.”

“I know. Can I come in? I’ll be quick.”

He mumbles something that sounds like an agreement.

I open the door. The walls of his office are dark wood. The floor is cream carpet, and there’s a lattice window at the back. He’s seated at a desk facing the window. On his desk are a laptop, a notebook, expensive pens, a clipboard, and a few stacks of paper. To his left is a lazily stacked bookshelf.

I hardly ever come in here. It’s always been implied that Taehyun and I are not allowed.

“What do you need?” he asks.

“A word, if now’s a good time.”

“It’s not, but you’re already here. So go on.”

“Um,” I say.

This is definitely way harder than telling Taehyun. I can barely get myself to form a sentence.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while,” I say.

“Tell me what?”

“I, um”

I just need to say it.

“I’ve tried my best,” I say. “I swear, I really have. But what you do I can’t do it. I’ve never been able to. I’m not built like you and like Taehyun. I need to tap out.”

Dad watches me for a second.

“You want out?”

“Yeah.”

“Of what?”

“Everything,” I say. “This.” I gesture around his office. “I love you guys, but I can’t I’ve tried so hard to make it work so you’d be happy. But, Dad, I’m miserable. I barely sleep, and most of the time I’m an anxious wreck. I keep hoping these feelings will pass, but they never do.”

He nods.

“Well?” I ask.

“You’ve totally blindsided me. I thought you were happy.”

“I’m not. And I’m really sorry.”

“How can it not be for you?” he says, the anger in his voice rising. “Our family has been in this business for generations. It’s what we do.”

“I know. But it doesn’t work for me.”

“So what?” he says. “You think you’re the first person to spit in the face of years of tradition? Get over yourself and deal with it. I only want the best for you, and you have to trust me when I say this is the best path.”

“Please, Dad-”

“And what will you do? I hope you aren’t coming to me without a plan for your future.”

“I’m not. I’d stay here until the end of the year and work my butt off to get a scholarship. Then I’d move out west for college, and you’d never have to see me again, if you don’t want to.”

His brow creases. “Why west?”

“I’ve always wanted to try living there. I’ve never told you, but I have. It’s what I’ve wanted for years. I hate it here.”

He leans back in his chair and stares at me. But I see in his gaze something like a spark.

“I’ve suspected this for a while. One son takes after me. The other”

Oh.

Mum.

He shakes his head. “Soobin, I have something I need to tell you, too.”

I freeze. What’s going on?

“Your mum. You two were always incredibly close. From the time you were little, she wanted a different life for you.”

My breath goes shallow, and my eyes fill with tears.

“You remind me of her in so many ways. It’s possible I took some of my anger at losing her out on you.”

He twists the silver ring on his finger.

“But that was wrong. You take after her. She was right. She loved you so much and so do I. I hope you know that. I want what’s best for you.”

I can’t believe it. My father has never spoken with me so openly. I feel shell-shocked.

“Dad, I don’t know what to say.”

“Son, I want you to be happy. No matter how complicated this gets, never forget that.”

I won’t.