𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐳 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 | 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐢 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐚

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 | 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫

𝐌𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐀𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐢, it means heavenly cloud. If you look up my name, you will see two options.

Cloudy sky or Heaven.

My parents named me with the idea that I'd be heaven on earth.

I don't think I'm very religious, or well let me rephrase that, I have a hard time believing in Christianity.

It's ironic isn't it, I was created and named on the bases that I would do all good and live heavenly.

You can romanticize me all you want. Tell me how I had no choice, I did what I had to do, but at the end of the day, I have acted as God and taken the lives of five people.

That's a sin in your religion, isn't it? To kill someone?

To act as if you have the same power as the man above? To decide who can live and who can't.

I didn't do what I had to do because I didn't have to do anything.

Now, if you're a Christian I bet you already have bible verses swimming around in your head to defend my actions, trust me I know them.

Samuel 17:41-54 or even Luke 10:29-37.

See, I told you.

But in Exodus 20:13, does it not say thou shall not murder?

Exodus 9:14 says, for this time I will send all my plagues on you and your servants and your people, so that you may know that there is no one like me in all the Earth.

If your God is real, I should expect the most strenuous plague huh? Are we too modern for plagues now? Shit. Is it a sin to have questioned God's ability as well? Fuck, I've gone and done that too, huh?

All I'm saying is, it's unlikely for another plague to sweep through and wipe me out right now, right? I hope so at least. But your God, well he has some imaginative ways of punishing me.

Like taking my mother. My friends.

Or even just by creating me, knowing I'd always be a fuck up.

My name is Aolani, it means heavenly cloud. If you look up my name, you will see two options.

Cloudy sky or Heaven.

I think it means a cloudy sky.

I can't be heavenly, I didn't do what I had to do because I didn't have to do anything. I could've tossed the bag to Darrian, he might not have had it in time but I wouldn't have blood on my hands. It was my choice, to reach into the bag and pull out that gun, my choice to fire once and then over and over again.

Have you ever read Virginia Woolf?

She once asked, how many times have people used a pen or paintbrush because they couldn't pull the trigger?