Anything (Male Reader x Hermione)

Accommodations

Snape met (Y/N), Hermione, Maia, and Misty at the entrance to Hogwarts. He pulled them aside from Ginny, Luna, Neville, and Ron. The man was strangely happy for such a usually glum person. He wrung his hands together in a less forceful manner than before, his hair was less greasy, and his robe was a little less tight. "I have a message from Dumbledore for you two," he hissed. "You will not be safe in Slytherin," he directed to (Y/N), "so you will have the unused teacher's room. No one's lived there for centuries, but that is your problem, not mine. Follow me to the room and return for the feast. Misses Granger will stay with the Gryffindors. Dumbledore has asked for you to sit at the teacher's table. Your daughter and her elf will sit with Gryffindor. Dumbledore wishes to talk with you after the feast. Come," Snape ordered, leading them away.

"I was joking," (Y/N) told Snape.

"You will very quickly learn that Dumbledore does not respect jokes."

"What'd you say?" Hermione asked her husband.

"I jokingly brought up the idea of me teaching the first through third years to lessen Professor Slughorn's workload since he's supposed to be in retirement. We all laughed."

"That's Dumbeldore," Hermione shrugged. "I'm sure you'll be a great professor."

"Your room awaits," Snape droned. The family followed him through the halls. They moved through the halls, up the Grand Staircase, and another floor above the Gryffindor Common Room. "Enjoy the dust," Snape said, leaving them in front of a portrait of an old man sitting in a barrel. 

"Diogenes," (Y/N) immediately recognized.

"In the buff," the man replied.

"You've got linen around your waist," Hermione corrected him.

"I was painted like this. You're in the way of the Nymphs across the hall. Move."

"We'd like entry into our room, please," Hermione requested.

"I haven't let someone in for four centuries. I don't think I'll start now."

"How are you related to Hogwarts?" (Y/N) asked.

"The founders enchanted me. The fat two, mainly. Skinny beardo didn't like me, and pretty princess was away doing something dumb, I assume."

"Why'd they pick you?" (Y/N) asked

"Do I look like the founders?"

"What can we do to be let in?" Hermione inquired.

"The fool who painted me did not supply me dogs. If you get me three, one white, one black, and one yellow, I will let you in."

"We can do that," (Y/N) assured the painting. 

"And they have to be living."

"Diogenes," an old voice greeted from behind the family.

"Fool and knave."

"Dumbledore. I was only joking. This is necessary," (Y/N) said, turning around.

"Actually, it is quite the opposite. You would have to be moved out of Slytherin anyways, and Slughorn is quite old."

"Professor Slug is back?" The portrait asked. "He's as slow as one and has the physique of one, too."

"Please don't talk to my daughter," (Y/N) instructed the portrait.

"I've got your painting, Headmaster," Filch seethed, a small painting in his hand.

"How excellent, you still remember it from last year," Dumbledore smiled. Filch hung the painting next to Diogenes. Three dogs, exactly as requested, moved into Diogones' painting before filch ripped their painting up. "I need to speak with Mr. Granger in private, please," Dumbledore requested. Filch left, and Hermione, Maia, and Misty walked into the room.