King Mentality

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King McCaul

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King McCaul

May 20th

1516 Marsh lane >>5am

        As I stared into the darkness that consumed my room, a familiar feeling of anger began to well up inside me. It seemed like I could never get a good night's sleep in this house, with the constant traffic of people coming and going. If it wasn't my sister leaving at 1 am to get to her shift at the senior care home, it was my brothers running in and out at all hours of the night. The lack of peace and quiet made it challenging to find the rest I so desperately needed.

My father, who we all referred to as "pops," had been serving a life sentence in prison for his involvement in drugs and human trafficking. Each of us had different mothers, except for my older brothers, whose mom had been our dad's first victim. Our moms was all prostitutes who had either fell victim to addiction or vanished without a trace, leaving us behind. I'm the youngest, and my siblings, despite the passing years, continued to treat me like I would forever remain the baby of the family.

A decade has passed since my pops had been incarcerated, and my brothers had assumed the role of caregivers. Living under their roof, I had grown accustomed to a perpetual state of sleep deprivation and chaos.

I can feel goosebumps on my arms after getting out of bed and catching a chill. I throw on the first pair of sweats I find in a pile of clean clothes next to my bed and grab a hoodie on my way out of my room. The house is completely dark except for the light coming from the kitchen, and I start towards it.

Entering the kitchen, I see my brothers, Quami and Cortez, seated at the table, with Q's best friend, Santana, along with them. The kitchen table is covered with its usual display of money stacks, guns, and drugs. I reached for a bottle of water from the open 24-pack on the floor, at the same time contemplating the fucked up circumstances that defined my life. My brother Q's demeanor is too calm, like this shit is just another regular day for him but I guess it is. He glances up from counting cash, met my gaze, and offered a nonchalant nod.

Cortez is the first to speak to me. He looked up and asked, "We too loud?"

Meanwhile, Q continues feeding money into a counting machine, and Tana attentively separates the bills with rubber bands. I shake my head slightly in response to Cortez's question, taking another swig of water, almost finishing the bottle in a single gulp. The atmosphere in the kitchen is heavy with the sounds of money counting and the unspoken weight of our environment.

"Nah, I was bout to go fo' a run" I tell him tossing the empty bottle in the trash.

Q, still engrossed in the cash counting, issued a warning without looking up, saying, "Don't go out the hood, King," his eyes casting a cautious glance in my direction. His concern for my safety is clear, a reminder of the dangerous realities of the neighborhood we live in.

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