Cold City Series #3: A Gust Of Constellations
"She's my gust of constellations, my sublime serenity." - Kasper Gustave D. Reanzares
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On a brief night of lunacy, Constelaine decided to break free from her parent's pressures and follow no rules but...
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Hayaan ***
We weren't really in a relationship but that's how I want to end this up. I realized that it's unfair for him, kahit na sabihing we both benefited from it, mas malaki pa rin ang nagawa niya. Umabot pa nga sa parents ko...
Ayaw ko rin siyang paasahin pa. I didn't give anything for him to hold his hopes up but he was still hoping nonetheless. I don't want to be unkind to him by being unclear.
I thought I could give it a try because why not? Gustave may have been the ideal man of the majority of the female population. Mabait, ma respeto, matalino at may itsura, sino ang ayaw sa ganoon hindi ba?
If only the case was as simple as that. He was kind and caring to the extent that it overwhelms me. I know he's not overdoing it and that scares me.
I have never met someone who expresses their feelings that way. Na para bang binubuhos niya lahat ng kanya para paluguran ang taong iyon. And I don't want that.
Sa fiction books ko lang nababasa ang mga katulad niya. Sa Wattpad, sa romance novels and I just couldn't swallow that someone like him exist, and that someone likes me.
I grew up in an environment where we're not that expressive and showy about our emotions. The last time that I said I love you to my parents was when I was six or so. At hindi ko nakikita iyon na kakulangan 'cuz they might not say it but with their simple gestures and acts, I know that they love me, too.
Nakakapanibago lang na magkaroon ng ganitong tao sa buhay mo...
"Sasabihin ko kina mama na wala na tayo," sabi ko nang hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita pagkatapos ng ilang minuto. Ni hindi ko siya sinulyapan dahil nahihiya ako...
I'm bitterly laughing at myself thinking how heartless I am right now.
Pumayag siyang gamitin ko siya para layuan ako ni Gian. He unblinkingly threatened to cut ties with an long time friend dahil hindi nito ako gusto. He was willing to kneel to ask for an apology and now he ditched his practice dahil lang may usapan kami. Thinking of the things that he could do concerns me.
At ayaw kong madagdagan pa ang kung anong sakripisyo niya dahil sa akin. Para sa akin hindi ganoon ang pagmamahal. You shouldn't forget to always give something to yourself and not only to the people around you.
I don't blame him, we seldom say that we don't have the reins to our feelings. But if he can't put a rein on it, then I will.
His love or whatever he was feeling is bound to be a destruction. The idea of giving him a chance went to my mind over and over again, but thinking about the crazy things that he can do for me. It scares me that he could lose himself while trying to get me.
Do I like him?
Sure I do. Pero hindi sa paraang katulad niya sa akin. Mas lalong magiging unfair sa kanya at sasaktan ko siya if we'll pursue for a relationship na siya lang ang lubos na nagmamahal. Hindi niya iyon deserve.
