Widows bite N.R

Chapter 25: Without You

TW: mention of self-harm

It's been a week since I've been back and it's finally hit me, I'm out and Luke's gone. Macy's called a couple times to check in, I've barely left my room, just to go to the bathroom and have the occasional snack. I haven't been eating well my weight loss is obvious and that's saying something, since hydra basically starved me, I can see my ribs and my skin's gone so pale it's almost translucent, but I couldn't care less. 

I'm not proud of it but I started hurting myself, it started with me picking at my skin and cuticles but progressed from there, so not only am I skin and bone, but I'm also covered in self-inflicted wounds ranging in all shapes and sizes. I didn't know why I started at first, but I think I was so accustomed to the torture hydra put me through I felt almost empty without it, I was just so tired of feeling numb.

I feel like all I do is sleep now and I'm about to go drift off again when I'm startled by a knock on my door, "Y/n/n, you've got a visitor" Trevor shouts from the other side.

"Who is it" I groan, sitting up from my bed and putting on the closets pair of pants I can find, not bothering with a shirt whoever it is can put up with me being in my bra.

"It's a scary looking dude, says he works for SHIELD" Trevor says, "Do you want me to send him away?" he asks

"No, it's fine bring him in" I say sighing and sitting on my bed once again as the door opens letting blinding light enter the room. "Hello, Y/l/n" Fury says gruffly taking in my messy hair and battered appearance "Looks like you've seen better days" He adds making me chuckle bitterly.

"Are you just here to insult me, or have you got something else to say" I speak weakly eyes barely open as I lean back into my bed, still awake but feeling on the verge of slumber.

"We want you back" he says, and I open my eyes slightly sitting up again.

"Not a chance" I say looking him directly in the eyes before falling back in my bed. There's no way I'm going back there, "I tried the whole super hero thing. It's not for me." I say eyes closed again waiting for him to leave, but he doesn't. "We need you y/l/n, the avengers are falling apart. As much as I dislike your attitude majority of the time, I believe you can help them." He pauses looking as if he's disgusted by what he's about to say, "They need someone like you." And with that he swiftly walks out of the room closing the door behind him.

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I spend another couple hours in my room thinking over my options but I can't come to a decision, I need aspen but she's not here so I'll get the next best thing.

I walk out of my room, and I take a second to let my eyes adjust to the bright light before heading outside to find Trevor. I make my way through the back gate and spot him cleaning engine parts on the tarmac. "What did the eyepatch want?" Trevor asks pretending to not be shocked when he see's me, "He wants me to go back to the avengers" I say, he doesn't utter a word but continues to clean the metal in his hands as I take a seat beside him. "I just don't know what to do anymore Trev" I say quietly picking at my shoelaces and fighting back tears.

"You need a purpose y/n, you always have, and I'm sorry but you won't find it here. You have so much to give the world you can't waste your potential sitting around here all day, that's my job" He jokes,

"I can't go back, if I do, I'll have to see Nat every day and I can't do that, I can't even look at her without getting angry." I say looking down at my feet, and Trevor looks up at me.

"She's been miserable without you, you know" Trevor adds still watching me, he can't honestly believe that can he?

"Bullshit, she's moved on" I say throwing a stone that I found by my feet, Trevor stiffens and doesn't say anything for a moment, I can tell he's fighting back the urge to tell me something, I just don't know what.

"She hasn't" He finally says, "And you want to know how I know?" He adds, don't believe him but I nod anyway, "Because she comes here, at least three times a week. She come's and she sits right here out the tarmac, thinking that you were dead, thinking she'd never hold you in her arms again. She hasn't moved on, I don't think she ever would of." He says and I sigh.

"She kissed Steve" I say angrily throwing another stone, and it was Trevor's turn to sigh.

"That was for a mission" He say before pausing angrily trying not to lose his temper, "She didn't want to kiss him, she wanted you. She was on that mission trying to find YOU. She loves you, and if you can't see that you're fucking blind. She has spent the past six years following every potential lead, going over every detail, recounting the mission over and over and over and blaming herself!" he rants "She loves you"

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Is she going to go back? Idk. As always leave thoughts and stuff.

Wordcount: 911

Later, Laur <3