My Sister's Best Friend [T.Chalamet]

41

nothing hurts more than trying your abosolute best and still not being good enough.

The king premiere event came and went. I was not invtied, not for the pictures but the event. his manager specifcally mentioned no plus ones at all, only the team. he did not say bye when he left. i ignored it and took it as a mistake from him. he was probably in a rush, i told myslef.

Then i watched the premiere and saw him. with lily. a few hours later i got notifications of some more headlines. timothee and lily's boat trip. i made the mistake of opening that up.

Then my phone flahsed his name and i threw it on my bed. I stepped away from it as my eyes began to blur. tears flooded down my face. fuck i did not even realise it. next thing i knew i had my back against the wall as i sat on the floor of my room.

A/n (Can we just pretend these three pics are one giant text xoxox thank you)

it hurt having you in my life, it hurt not having you in my life. i could never win.

- - -

a few days later

i wonder if you ever stopped and just thought, i miss her, she did not deserve that. teruth is, nobody soes. guess that is what i deserved.

saoirse found me at that time. She rushed into the flat, calling my name. i did not even realise it. i heard but i could not respond. i was still processing the boat pictures. she helped me. move on. or at least try to. I continued with my day to day life. saorise did not leave me alone for one second. she took time off her preperation for her upcoming film and spent time with me at home.

i stay up most nights. thinking of you, while trying not to think about you. missing you, while trying not to miss oyu. was it all pretend? after you came back to new york when you finished filming the king? was it all pretend? becasue i saw the way you looked at me. i was there. a part of me will always wonder. i was not good enough. i never will be.

look at her. she is perfect in every aspect. she has things i csnnot even dream of hving. maybe that is why you chose her. she is a somebody. just like you. me? i am a nobody. nobody wants me. nobody even likes me. i'm not good wnough. i never will be.

- - -

two months later (late september/october 2019)

soairse promised that we'd go out today to prep for my collage. first term would be starting soon and i had to get a couple of things. I had no thought about him for months. I saw the posts on social media. it was confirmed. they were offciallly together. the paparazzi pictures of them in new york together too. that was how i knew he came back.  I should have known they definitely attended the king premier event together too.

The door knocked. saoirse was in her room changing so she called me to open it. i ran over and opened it and i froze in my spot.

I thought I was over you. Or at least on that route to move on. just when i thought i fianlly was. just when i thought i had done so welll, finally made the progress, i see you. i freaking see you and the entire cycle starts again.

i shut the door but my eyes did not move. they remained fixed at the door.

"who is it?" soairse calls.

I shook my head and left the room, "see for yourself" i mumbled.

I sat on top of the sofa, the head part as she opened the door. when she saw him, i saw her entire skin change. She shook her head, "no, no, no" she repated and closed the door but he placed his foot and arm in between so it would not close.

"please" he pleaded "i need to talk to you"

She shook her head.

"Please saorise!" he called and that made me hide behind the door away from him so that he would not see me. "i need you to listen to me please, you're one of the only ones that would understand if you would just listen"

"she cried over you. she cried for days timmy." soairse answered .

"i know" he bit his trembling lip.

"then why did you not reach out to her? why did you not give her the closure she at least deserved?" she shouted. she probably did not even realise that she was shouting now.

i peaked through the gap in the door hinge and i saw him. his brown hair was much longer than i had last saw him. it was messier. his eyes were red and i could tell that he was crying because his eyes were slightly swollen.

"because i'm hurting too" he shouted back, "because i'm afraid that if i see her crying in front of me, i'll apologise and beg for her to take me back but i can't do that." his gaze dropped. "i can't hurt her anymore than i already have"

Silence followed as Soairse looked up at him. "You hurt her so much. she trusted you"

"and i broke it i know. i don't deserve her. i never did. but she needs to know i'm sorry please tell her. Tell her it wasn't her fault and that she deserves better."

"I will timmy" she responds. I watch her smile and close the door as he turns to leave.

***
(949 words)
Please do no ignore!!!
Do you want a happy or sad ending?

Don't worry this is not the end yet we've got a long way to go but I just need to know which route should we take for this story now as I have about 4 possible routes to take.