IT ALL STARTED ON SET - Sadie Sink Female x female

the night after

THE NIGHT AFTER - part 22

sadies POV

the next morning i woke up first. i was on my phone for a good 20 mins but then i went downstairs. jac and mich was eating breakfast.
"morning sadie."
"hey sadie!"
"good morning. so you found your way back home?" i was joking with michael because he was at his best friends for 4 days. he is two hours away thats why he was there for this long.
"i could ask the same." fair enough, i was with y/n.
i made a coffee for y/n and myself.
"how was your yesterday?" mic giggled.
"it was good, really good actually." i responded with a smile. "why?"
"i might be a straight boy but not stupid."
"what?" jac asked but we kinda ignored her.
"it was REALLY good." i said again smirking.
"huh?" jac asked again.
i dont get it how does he knows, we were quiet.
"werent we quiet enough?" i whispered to him so jac or anyone doesn't hear it.
"you were, i just know sadie. was that the first?"
"yes." i smiled. "but you are my brother it's awkward leave me alone."
"omg so happy for you, do you want a cake? my little sister is not that little anymore." he was joking around.
"shut up." i laughed.
"whats going on?" jac asked. i forget that she is here too.
"nothing, we are talking about filming from yesterday." i smiled.

y/n drinks her coffee with no suger and just a bit of plant-based milk. i am sure that its her eating disorder.
for breakfast i made some cream cheese scrambled egg bagel with avocado and tomato.
i brought them up with me, put down to my desk and i layed back next to her. i think she woke up because she came closer so we could cuddle. she didnt opened her eyes tho.
i took some picture of her and then i started texting with millie and just being on my phone.

"good morning baby." she said.
"morning y/n." i gave her some kisses on her cheek and nose.
we were cuddling for 5 more minutes and then she sat up. i just stared and smiled at her.
"what?" she asked very tiredly. she bearly opened her eyes.
"you are so cute when you are tired."
she said nothing, she just fell back to the top of me and closed her eyes.
"i love you." she mumbled.
"i love you too. and i got you some coffee and breakfast."
"yey." she said not very excitingly.

we ate, i saw that she was struggling, she covered it pretty well but i know her.
"can i ask you something?" i asked.
"of course, anything."
"okay, but you have to be honest!"
i looked into her eyes.
"oh my god, should i be scared?"
"i dont know." i stopped and started searching for the perfect way to ask it. "did you relapsed?"
she looked at me, searching for her words. "no."
"are you sure y/n? you can tell me okay? i will help you!"
"i didnt sade, i am okay. its just hard to recover you know, but i am fine."
i hugged her tightly.

the real question is that was she talking about her eating disorder, or depression. i know more about her depression than she thinks. way more.
by the way i was talking about her eating disorder, but again, was she? i know something is happening with her again and she is not talking about that, but i cant and i wont force her to. when shes ready she will talk about those things.

we cuddled for hours and just watched some netflix. stranger things.
"this max mayfield girl is so hot, dont you think?" she giggled.
"yeah, yeah. pretty hot. not hotter than me tho."
"nah, obviously not." she answered with a soft voice.
and we were making out again.

y/n POV

i slept at sadies again, i have to leave for filming around 10.30am because we are starting at 11.30am. my uber is gonna drive me there.

i have days where i feel so much more depressed than usual, like depressive episodes. this is one of them. i woke up feeling super suicidal today. the only thing that could cause it today is that i had a dream of me and my mom.

we were at a park, eating my fear foods (wich was a nightmare, i woke up in the middle of the night because i was terrified) and we were shit-talking. we had so much fun.

i want to feel that. i wanna feel joy, i wanna be happy, and sadie does makes me happy but when im not with her i am sad and even when im whit her that sadness is still there, it doesnt go away no matter who am i with. i just feel more comfortable with her.

i just want my mom, i want my mom and a good relationship with her. is that too much to ask for?

today i have to cry on set. its gonna be easy to be honest.

i was in the studio in my dressing room. we already shot one scene.
"hey y/n, me and noah are going out for lunch! do you wanna join us?" millie walked in after a knock.
"umm idk." i said nervously. i dont wanna eat in front of anyone, not even sadie. not even in front of myself.
"pleaseeee."
"okayy, sure."

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