𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐇 || ʜᴀᴡᴋꜱ

42➟ In which I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

I never thought I'd say this, but I was glad to sort through the stacks of paper in front of me. I was glad because I was filing together every single piece of evidence I'd collected against that Murderer. Clover.

And the Librarian.

I don't know what it was with villains, but I was always surprised to learn that they'd actually killed someone, and the Librarian was no different. I could only imagine what had happened, not that I wanted to, but when I'd finished, and Kitsu's sister was passed out, the Librarian was standing over three dead bodies. A dark liquid leaking out of their eye sockets. He said it was because they were witnesses. I couldn't help but think that he'd done it for his own, twisted pleasure. And yet, I couldn't also help but curse myself out for being twisted in my own way, because I still hated Clover more. Because he'd murdered Grace, and I was selfish. No matter how many people the Librarian had killed, I cared far more about putting Clover behind bars.

Hawks had picked up Rin the night before. He wasn't at the house when I got home. Maybe that was a good thing though because I still couldn't work out why Hawks saying "I do" was my biggest fear at that current moment in time. Tell a lie. I had an inkling and, considering the circumstances, I didn't like it.

Although the pile of evidence in front of me may not have been overly impressive, it was more than enough to put Clover behind bars. The Librarian syndicate too.

"You want any food?"

I didn't turn to look at Rin, I was way too zoned into the evidence in front of me, "No, I'm alright. Thanks for asking though kiddo."

"You didn't eat anything when you came in last night, and you haven't eaten anything all day. I know you're busy, but it's nearly night and you really should eat something."

"You worry too much," I waved him off, "I'm fine."

"Is that why you were using your quirk last night?"

I stopped, I knew I'd have to tell him about last night in the alleyway, I just wanted to build up to it- how did he know about it? "Using my quirk?"

"In your room, you were using your quirk. Why would you use a quirk you hate, especially when you don't have to use it- if you're fine," He sounded deadly serious.

"I was asleep last night Rin, are you sure it wasn't just a dream."

"It wasn't a dream [Y/N], because it woke me up."

What? Was my quirk activating whilst I was asleep?

It's not like it was giving me any nightmares, I blacked out as soon as my head hit the pillow- and my quirk can only be activated by me when I'm aware of it. It can't work whilst I'm asleep.

Can it?

"Of course, it can."

"I thought you said you were starting to respect my privacy Rin, stop reading my mind," I snapped. I hadn't realised how on edge I was, "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I'm just," I sighed, "So much is going on all at once, I just-"

"You did."

"Huh?"

"You meant to snap."

"I didn't mean to, I'm so on edge right now, I don't mean to take it out on you."

"You hate him."

"You hate me."

"I don't hate you kiddo, I'm sorry."

"Remember yesterday?"

I gave him a confused look, just like the one he was giving me.

"What happened yesterday?" I looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"What's happening now?" He looked at me, a scared look on his face.

I immediately got up, walked over to him and pulled him into a hug, "I'm sorry Rin. We'll work this all out and then you can become a hero, just like you want and I'll visit you, all the time." The evidence pile only meant that we were going to spend less and less time together, we were about to end the mission, and I was about to leave Rin. I didn't think he'd be scared of me leaving. But I didn't want him to be.

"I can't read your mind," He said, really quietly.

I looked down at him, "You can, you just choose not to and that's a really heroic thing of you to do. See?" I smiled, "You're already halfway there."

"No..." He trailed off.

"Yeah you are, don't doubt yourself kiddo."

Rin looked stern as if he were about to tell off a child for smashing a vase and I felt like I'd done something to make him feel that way.

"I'm not talking about being a hero and I'm not saying anything for your pity [Y/N]," he spat his words and I was taken aback unsure of what I had done to offend him. "Something is wrong with you and I can't read your mind because of it. So what's happening? And don't give me any 'nothing' or 'don't worry about it' bullshit."

I stared at Rin with wide eyes, completely taken aback by everything he'd just said, unsure how to process the whole thing.

"I'm fine Rin, I-"

"Bullshit!" He shouted, "do you think you need to protect me? Because I'm a kid. Is that what this is [Y/N]? Because it feels like you don't trust me! I've been a Comission spy longer than you ever were, I know things like this happen and I know how to deal with it, stop thinking I don't!" He continued, "Do you think you're better than me? Better than me and Hawks, just because you didn't grow up training every single day? [Y/N], we're a team, we do this together!"

I looked at him. The 'kid' as he called himself. About 5"4 with hair that had grown from the bottom of his ears to the tops of his shoulders over the time I'd known him. He still had the lanky arms and legs of a kid who hadn't fully grown into them self and yet, you could only assume due to training, there was muscle on them. His eyes, one green, one blue, looked older than every other single thing about him. He looked like a kid, there was no way else to look at it, but his eyes did not look like they belonged to a child.

"Rin," I began, trying to ignore the angry look on his face and just talk, "You're better than me in every way, and you're right, that doesn't give me any excuse to act more of a child than you, but-" I ignored the expression shift on his face as soon as I said but, "-I don't know what's happening. I can and will tell you everything I know, but I don't know why you can't read my mind. Whether it's subconscious or not, I don't know. But I'll try to work it out. Rin, I'm sorry."

He simply nodded, "yeah, sure."

"Rin," I pleaded, but he'd already left the living area for his room. I didn't think he'd want me to barge in after him, despite the fact that I wanted to check on him- apologise properly for whatever I'd done, even though I didn't know what it was.

I wanted to go against my better judgement though. Knock on his door, talk to him. I was about to do it too before my phone began to ring in my pocket, and, as soon as I saw the name, I knew I'd have to leave the apartment. I knew, also, that I'd be ignoring the two texts that had only just come through minutes before the call.

Bestie:
I heard about yesterday call me

Please