A-Z Upstead

R=recovering

TW for abuse and eating disorders

This is another dating upstead story.

Hailey and Jay were going on their first date tonight. Jay took Hailey to a nice restaurant. They talked for a bit and then ordered their food. Jay ordered a steak and Hailey ordered a half order of house salad. Jay thought it was weird that she got something so small.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else? Hail, you can get something bigger if you want. I don't mind paying" he told her.

"It's ok thank you though I'm just not super hungry tonight" Hailey replied.

They ate their dinner and talked for a bit before they both went home because they had to be at work early the next morning. 2 weeks later they had their second date at a different restaurant. This time Hailey ordered a half order of caesar salad. Jay thought it was weird but didn't want to say anything in public. A week after that they had their 3rd date which was dinner and a movie, again Hailey ordered a half salad. Jay thought she was doing this to be polite and felt bad. After they finished their dinner they drove to their movies. Jay decided to remind Hailey that she could get more to eat on dates

"Hey Hails you can get more to eat when we have dinner dates you don't have to get a tiny half order of salad every time it's okay I honestly don't mind paying I love you," Jay told her.

"It's not that I'm just not usually that hungry at dinnertime. I don't usually eat big dinners I love you too" Hailey replied.

When they got to the movies Jay got a drink of popcorn and candy. Hailey only got a drink. Halfway through the movie, he heard Hailey's stomach start to growl.

"Hey, babe are you hungry do you want some popcorn?" Jay asked.

"No thanks, I'm good".

Jay was worried she was starving herself but didn't want to say anything in public. Once the movie got done they drove back to Jay's place since it was a weekend. Jay heard Hailey's stomach growl again when they got in the car.

"Hey, babe are you hungry do you want to go through a drive-thru?" Jay asked.

"No thanks I'm good" Hailey replied.

Jay was worried about her. They got back to his house and sat down on the couch to watch tv. They turned on the tv and started watching an episode of Young Sheldon. During the whole episode, Jay was thinking about what he was going to say to Hailey. He was worried about her physical and mental well-being. Once the episode was over he paused the tv and gently grabbed Hailey's hands.

"Hailey I have to ask you something and I need you to answer me honestly". Jay told her.

"Ok," hailey said nervously.

Are you starving yourself? Whenever we go on a date you barely eat and I can hear your stomach growling and you keep saying you're not hungry even though you are, "Jay asked.

"No, it's not that. I have a lot of food trauma. I was diagnosed with afrid at 15. It's a restrictive eating disorder. Mine is caused by my dad. When I was younger I was forced to eat foods I didn't like. I was forced to eat everything on my plate even if I didn't like it. I had to stay at the dinner table until I finished and I got in trouble. I was force-fed foods like spaghettios peas, pasta, zucchini, carrots, cucumber meatloaf, and a whole lot of other foods. I was born with sensory issues so I couldn't eat most of these foods because of it. Whenever I didn't want to eat it I was forced to stay at the table and got screamed at.  One time when I was 12 I ordered steak bites at a restaurant. They're basically like chicken nuggets but with steak. They tasted weird and I didn't want to bother anyone so I planned to eat my fries and make myself a hot pocket when I get home. I just ate my fries. My dad noticed this and took my fries and told me to eat my steak. I told him it tasted weird but he made me eat it. I ended up getting severe food poisoning that night. It was awful I was in a ton of pain and almost ended up in the hospital. The same thing happened when I was 14 when I ordered beef nachos at a Mexican restaurant. I told my dad it tasted funny and he forced me to eat it again. I ended up getting food poisoning again. When I was 13 I was making myself a toaster strudel and accidentally burnt it to a crisp. It was completely burnt. It was black and hard so I went to throw it away and make a new one. As I was walking over to the trash can my dad walked in and he saw me walking towards the trash can with the toaster strudel. He asked me what I thought I was doing and I apologized and said that I accidentally burned my toaster strudel and forced myself to eat it. I was only able to eat half of it before running to the bathroom and throwing up. I got yelled at and called dramatic for throwing up. I threw up multiple times that day. It was awful. My mom jumped in at this point and it somewhat stopped. Instead of being forced to finish I was guilt-tripped and berated if I didn't. Even though I wasn't being forced to eat anymore it didn't erase the trauma. Whenever I have something on my plate I don't like, I force myself to eat it even though it makes me sick. This is gonna sound disgusting but what I do is put a drink in my mouth with every bite and chug till it's down. I do this with each bite. My stomach is usually killing me after and I sometimes throw up. I'm scared of trying new foods because of this. I've also been told I eat too much, too fast. too slow. I eat weird foods and because of this, I hate eating in front of other people. Whenever I'm out in public with people I don't usually eat no matter how long the event is. Even if my stomach is growling I won't eat. What I usually do before our date is eat something before I go then eat something small with you then eat something bigger when I get home. I know you would never hurt me, judge me, or force me to eat but I'm still scared. I can't bring myself to order more than a small half salad. I can barely do that. Everything that happened when I was a kid still affects me to this day. Even though the toaster strudel thing happened over 20 years ago I still can't eat toaster strudels or anything in that category. For me, that's pop tarts, cake brownies, and most pastries. I can sometimes eat cake but I have to be alone. I'm trying to get better but it's so hard. I'm still scared that I'm going to get hurt even though I know I'm not. Tonight I didn't have enough time to eat before our date so that's why my stomach was growling. All I've had since 6 am was that half salad. Hailey said shakily, squeezing jays hands.