𝑳𝑨 𝑭𝑰𝑳𝑳𝑬 𝑨𝑼𝑿 𝑭𝑳𝑬𝑼𝑹𝑺

୭̥⋆*｡✽ 𝐱𝐱𝐯.

may 1st, 2018
LITA

WHAT AM I DOING? Seriously, what am I doing?! Let go Lita, let go of Scarlett. Let her go.

But I don't want to.

My heart is saying one thing, but my brain is saying another... What should I do? Should I listen to my heart? Or should I listen to my brain and let go?

I can't get attached. It'll only hurt me, and potentially her, more. So I let go. The noticeable frown on her face makes me want to take her back in my arms. My body instantly misses her warmth, the way her fingers were pushing back the few pieces of hair that framed my face and the random patterns that she would trace on my upper back, already nostalgic of the feeling of comfort she was giving me.

I clear my throat, the moment is over now. I focus on slipping the gorgeous notebook she got me back in its bag and grip the handle with my hand tightly. "Are we ready to go now?" I ask, not looking up at her, pretending to look for something in my bag despite knowing damn well where's my wallet or where are my keys. I can't face that look on her face again, not when I'm longing for her embrace already.

"Oh, yes. Yes. The coast should be clear by now, they should be gone." She tells me, slipping on her cardigan over her dress and grabbing her bag.

Right.

We were only hiding.

The truth makes my heart ache. I forgot for a moment the real reason of our amazing time at the Museum of Modern Art.

We step out of the building, still walking side by side. She's on the right side, I'm on the left. It's not long before her hand grabs mine, and she guides me through the crowd of thousands.

Again, this feeling of warmth in my chest, more and more important that it hurts. It hurts me, knowing this isn't going anywhere. But the way my body, my mind react to the soothing action of her thumb stroking the back of my hand... I wish it was different.

We're lost in the middle of a sea of people, going against the flow, however it feels like we're the only persons around. What people? Where? All I can hear and see is her.

Her.

Fuck, I'm such a mess.

"Do you think it'll take them long to realize who I am?" I wonder out loud when we get into a quieter part of the city. I mean, this is the second time they caught us together. It can't be good for her, can it? Not like I care, it's her life after all, but... I don't know. I can't help but think this could possibly start something that would tint her career. Rumours can lead to horrible things after all. They can be career-damaging.

"I don't know, it could take them a while still. Are you scared?" She questions softly, our hands swinging together... You know like those couples walking through the park? Or just walking anywhere actually, they do that anywhere it's sickening. That's such a cliché thing to do that I usually hate it but now... now I don't.

"I'm a little worried, yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She sighs with a sad smile. "You should've told me, Lily. What are you afraid of?"

"I'm scared for the shop, I guess. And what it all means for me." I confess. Worry is never simply worrying, it's a more complex experience. You worry because you're not sure if something will happen or not, if something has happened, if something won't happen.

I worry that people are gonna shop up at the shop expecting her. Whether they are photographers or just fans. I just have a business to run.

And you. I worry about you and what it all means for you.