#GirlsShitToo

Shitty Narratives

Break was over and school was back in session, and I was sad to see Adree's empty chair. Because of her extended family vacation, Ms. Brooks had told her she didn't need to post a vlog this week. Which meant that, once again, I'd be starting off the new spring season of vlogs. With no idea what my topic would be. What could top the vlog that Adree and I had done together?

Luckily, I had until Saturday to figure it out.

The idea came to me on Tuesday, when some of my Twitter followers started alerting me to a trending story on Twitter, a series of tweets by a woman who called herself "Lady Gwen":

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

So something bad happened to me last night. It involves my poop.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

I was on a date with this guy, right? And we go back to his house.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

We had espresso after dinner, so I got the urge. Since I am a confident and secure young woman, I excused myself to his bathroom.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

Problem: his toilet wouldn't flush. It was broken or something.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

What was I to do? I had already been in there 4 too long. He would already be suspicious of what I was doing.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

So I listened to impulse: I took my single piece of poop out of the toilet, wrapped it in toilet paper, and put it in my purse.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

Of course my night was ruined, but it wasn't even over. He still wanted to watch a movie and cuddle.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

Him: U R so beautiful.

Me: Thnx. Ur sweet.

Me inside: My poo is literally inside of my purse.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

I kept worrying he was going to smell it.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

Eventually, he went to the bathroom, and I heard him messing with the handle, so I assumed he was fixing the toilet.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

So I went to the bathroom for round 2, and by all the forces in the universe, my poo flushed.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

It flushed, it flushed, I'm a survivor. I am a SURVIVOR.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

So apparently my poop story went viral. Now my date from last night surely knows what went down. No pun intended.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

Will there be a second date? There's no telling.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

It's funny how I've spent my life building my feminine reputation. Pretty sure this viral story has tarnished it forever.

Lady Gwen @GwenLenington

Articles are calling me "Poop Girl." Cute.

Her story was perfect! It was like the proof that the idea that girls shit too was something that needed to be talked about. And it was so weird how her story just aligned so well with my project, enough to make me believe in synchronicity. So on Sunday night, I put Poop Girl back in the spotlight.

Shitty Narratives

Published on March 27, 2015

Youtube Video Transcript:

Dallas Delaney here, returning from Spring Break with more Girls Shit Too.

I wasn't sure what I was going to post, but then something serendipitous happened. You might have seen it making its rounds through the twitterverse a few days ago. I retweeted the whole thing.

For those of you who haven't been paying attention, here's the scoop: a woman told her narrative about all of the lengths she went to in order to prevent her date from finding out she shit at his house.

Even though she successfully avoided him finding out about it, she did decide to share her narrative on Twitter, calling herself a "survivor." The response was pretty awesome—tons of retweets, lots of positive feedback, much of it lauding her as a courageous hero for sharing her story, with many other survivors of horrifying poop experiences coming forward to share. Now that all has been tweeted and done, she's closed the narrative with a final tweet about how all the hard work she's spent on being a girl has been irreparably damaged by the story.

While I was amused by her tale, I was also shocked at the lengths that she thought she had to go to make sure her date didn't find out that she'd shit. Wouldn't it have been better to admit that girls shit too?

This week, we are going to share own narratives about anything shit related. Let's make the twitterverse explode with shitty narratives. And don't worry—our reputations won't be damaged; we're past that, aren't we?

Author's note: the tweets above are very closely inspired by a now-deleted real-life tweet thread written by a woman who clogged her date's toilet and hid her stuff inside her purse. I chose to keep the story so close to the true-life tale because her tale really does demonstrate the lengths women will go to to hide their bodily functions.