Little Secrets, Little Bucky

No More Cold

TW: Involuntary Regression caused by a PTSD trigger

Once Bucky was feeling steady again, all four of them got ready to head down to the lake. It was finally just warm enough to go swimming, so they got ready and arrived as soon as possible. The lake was surrounded by huge rocks, with the water right below. There was a small beach to their left, and Y/n looked around for a way down. Before she did, Sam decided that it wasn't worth waiting for and threw his towel down to the beach below before moving to his right and leaping from the cliff into the lake.

"Oh my god, it's freezing!" Sam yelled out as he surfaced. "Stevie I don't think you should jump, just come down and ease yourself in!" He knew how his partner was about cold water and he knew that jumping straight in would easily trigger a panic attack.

"Thanks, hon!" Steve called out, stepping back from where he'd been watching to find a path down through the rocks to the sand.

Bucky moved to jump as well but stopped when he felt Y/n's hand on his shoulder. He turned to see her looking at him with eyes full of concern. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Buck?"

"I'm not afraid of some cold water." Bucky rolled his eyes, before walking to the edge of the rock. "Look out Sam, I'm jumping!" He leapt from the rock, and the moment that he hit the water panic flooded through his system. The water was freezing, more freezing than he had expected it to be. All of a sudden he was back in that damn cryofreeze tube, the cold invading every one of his senses as he sank into the water. He surfaced before quickly bobbing back down again, vaguely aware of an arm around his torso.

Sam rushed over as soon as he realized that Bucky wasn't trying to swim, and managed to pull him over to where the water was shallow enough to stand in. "Buck?" He tried to coax the other man out of his head but Bucky just stood there, shaking violently and staring at a nonexistent point in the distance. Sam managed to lead Bucky out of the lake, sitting him on a large rock in the sand, while Y/n and Steve looked for the two of them. They were just barely out of sight as they were directly below the edge of the cliff. "C'mon buddy, you gotta wake up." Sam took Bucky by the shoulders and tried again to bring him back to the present. He watched in horror as Bucky came back to himself and immediately burst into tears, begging for his mama.

"Y/n!" Sam yelled out, drying Bucky off as best he could with his towel while Y/n made her way down the rocks as fast as she could.

"Mama," Bucky sobbed out the second that Y/n's feet hit the sand, reaching for her desperately as she ran over and wrapped him in a much bigger dry towel. She picked him up and he clung to her as tight as he could, terrified that she'd disappear right in front of him. "Don' wanna go back, Mama. Please don't make me, jus' wan' my Mama," he cried out, trying with everything in him to make his mama understand. "S'too cold, Bucky's so cold. Don' wanna wake up an' you're all gone, Mama."

Realization hit Y/n like a truck. "Oh baby, you're not going back, I swear." She started heading back to the cabin, gesturing for Sam and Steve to follow her. She could see Steve somewhat shaken up too, seeing Bucky so upset and frightened was clearly hurting him. She made a mental note to check up on him later. "Mama's right here I promise. I'm gonna warm you up, everything is gonna be okay."

Bucky violently shook his head. "Gonna take my Mama," he sobbed into her shoulder. "Bucky can't have good things, can't have Mama. Jus' wan' my mama, p'ease don' take my mama." He was begging at this point, desperately pleading with invisible forces not to take Y/n away from him. Every time he had ever managed to find comfort in something, Hydra had ripped it away, and now he was convinced that the same thing was going to happen with his mama. Why wouldn't it? Why would he get to keep something good, something safe?