Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Keeping Secrets

As the weeks went by,  Bucky could feel himself settling in and he felt more secure than he had in a long time. His little time was no longer spent alone and afraid until he eventually fell asleep or forced himself into being big. Instead it was spent being doted on by his mama. No matter how the week had gone she would always be there, ready to give him a safe place to release his emotions and let someone else take care of things for a while.

He cried a lot when he was little, even more than he used to, but it didn't feel so scary now. He didn't try to fight the tears or push down his negative emotions anymore while he was little, instead he would reach for his mama and she would make it all better. She never got frustrated with him for his tears or told him to stop being such a crybaby. Instead she would pick him up and let him get it out, holding him close while she helped him process his scary feelings. "You can cry all you want," she'd reassure him, "I'll take care of you."

No one had ever treated him the way that she did. She was patient and understanding, never raising her voice or laying a finger on him. No matter how anxious he got or how horrible he was feeling she was always able to make him feel better, wiping away his tears and soothing his fears with gentle words that made him feel safer than he ever had. Safety had been entirely foreign to him until he knew what it was like to curl up in his mama's arms after a long day knowing that no matter what happened she could, and would, protect him.

And as terrifying as it had been to admit to himself that he was much smaller than he'd previously thought, the whole baby thing was better than he could've ever imagined. He got to spend his little time being cuddled and cooed at, not expected to do anything difficult for himself. His mama fed him and bathed him, carried him and changed him. It was slowly teaching him that he could rely on other people, he didn't have to survive all alone anymore.

He and Y/n weren't the only ones noticing how much better he was doing though. All of his teammates had been noticing the positive changes in his behavior. He was doing better than he ever had before on missions, calmer and more centered than ever. He was friendlier, connecting more easily with the team. Steve and Sam in particular had noticed how much happier he was, living on the same floor of the tower gave them a unique viewpoint into how content Bucky seemed to be.

Steve hadn't been able to figure out why Bucky was doing so much better, but he knew better than to question it. He was ecstatic that his childhood best friend had finally seemed to find a way to cope that was working. He was having less panic attacks and when they left the tower he was less on edge. They went out to a bar with Sam and Y/n and he had actually looked like was enjoying himself. It was incredible, whatever Bucky was doing Steve was happy about.

Sam on the other hand, knew exactly what was going on. Over the last couple weeks he had been noticing something out of the ordinary. Bucky and Y/n would frequently disappear into her suite for hours at a time, sometimes a full day. At first he had assumed that they were sleeping together, but one day while Sam was having lunch with Y/n he saw a pacifier under the couch. He had picked it up and watched as the blood drained out of Y/n's face. She had quickly grabbed it out of his hand and shoved it into her pocket, stuttering out an excuse about an experiment and he let it go. He noticed the way that Bucky would walk into her suite looking drained and often emerge at his most relaxed. He noticed the way that if something startled him or made him uncomfortable, Y/n was the first person Bucky would turn to look at and she would always give him the same reassuring gaze. It was almost...maternal.

He knew what age regression was, after all he worked helping veterans learn to cope for a long time. It wasn't as uncommon of a coping mechanism as people assumed it to be and he'd met his fair share of both littles and caregivers. Sam didn't mention it to anyone, least of all Y/n or Bucky. Instead he started paying even closer attention to their interactions, picking up on the little tells between them.

His theory was finally confirmed the day that Bucky slipped into his headspace during movie night. He was trying his absolute best to hide it but Sam noticed almost immediately. He'd been restless for the whole movie and Sam could see the worried glances that Y/n kept giving Bucky. The movie had almost been over when he seemed to have finally lost the battle to stay big. He had pressed himself against the side of Y/n's body, clearly trying to hold it together until they were alone. When the movie ended Sam ushered Steve into their bedroom, trying to keep him from noticing the situation, and pretended that he needed something from the kitchen. He watched from the doorway, unnoticed, as Y/n picked Bucky up from the couch and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, holding him on her hip like a baby and swaying side to side for a moment before carrying him into her suite.

He still didn't mention it to another living soul. The last thing he wanted to do was make Bucky panic because Sam knew his secret. He was happy and clearly so was Y/n, Sam knew that she thrived on getting to care for other people and Bucky had been desperately in need of somebody to take care of him. As long as they were happy, so was he, and if that meant keeping their secret without them knowing for a while then so be it.