Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Strawberry Milk

Y/n and Bucky decided that it would be best to talk somewhere that Bucky associated with safety and comfort so what was already a difficult to navigate conversation didn't become downright terrifying. They sat in Y/n's bed, leaning against the headboard with Y/n's tablet open to take notes. Over the next hour and a half they talked through what steps Bucky needed to take to repair his relationship with food, and how Y/n could provide the support he needed in order to succeed.

"Do you want to move in?" Y/n asked softly, feeling his hand squeeze hers. She took it as a sign that he was anxious and squeezed back.

"Move in?" Bucky didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, staying in Y/n's suite for a while would certainly save him a lot of embarrassment. She wouldn't have to come and check in and see if he was eating if they were eating meals together. And having her so close certainly seemed comforting. But on the other hand, what if she saw his agreement as weakness? What if she started treating him like he was helpless? "Why would you want that?"

"I just figure it might make life a little easier for both of us," Y/n explained as she shrugged her shoulders. "I'd certainly have more peace of mind if you were close by, and I know that you sleep better with me. I know that you're perfectly capable of living on your own, but just because you can doesn't mean you have to."

"So you'd give up a shit ton of your personal space just so that you know I'm getting better?" Bucky almost couldn't believe her. But somehow, this was exactly what he expected from her. She cared about him. She cared about him so much that it almost terrified him.

"Yes," Y/n said, leaving no room to misinterpret her words. "I told you, my place is your place. This is just a little more long-term than usual."

"And I can change my mind at any point?" Bucky asked. "If I decide it's not working or you're going too far?"

"The second I overstep or you get uncomfortable, you can call it off. You're in control here, Buck," she reassured him, squeezing his hand.

"Do you promise?" He asked quietly, vulnerability almost too much to bear. "Do you promise you'll stop if I tell you to?"

"I promise," she said sincerely, turning so that she could look him directly in the eye. "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that I never betray your trust the way that they did."

Bucky took a deep breath and focused on the feeling of her hand in his. "I want to stay here. Even if it's just for a couple of weeks. I feel safe with you, and I want to get better." He tried to speak as clearly as possible, hoping that if he focused on the words and not his emotions, it would be easier to express himself.

"You can move in tonight if you want," she offered. "Or you can wait a while. Whatever you want."

"Maybe tomorrow?" He asked. "I'm so tired."

Y/n fought back the urge to lift him into her lap, knowing that if he was going to end up there, it had to be his own doing. "Do you wanna take a break?"

"I thought we already finished the recovery plan?" Bucky furrowed his eyebrows.

"No, not a break from work," she explained. "A break."

"Oh." Bucky realized what she was offering and felt tears spring to his eyes at his sheer desire for it. "That would be nice." Nice was an understatement.

"Yeah? You want me to take over for a little bit?" She asked gently, reaching up to cup his cheek. He leaned into the soft touch, and she felt her heart melt. There was so much longing in his eyes. "I'll take such good care of you, baby boy."

The nickname made his breath hitch, and he felt another pang of longing. "I'm scared," he admitted. "I don't wanna be scared anymore."

"You haven't gotten to let go in so long," she sympathized. "Not truly. Not the way that you need."