Blur Imagines

im so sorry - graham

1995

Graham has been distancing himself from you, and everyone else, for a few days now, and it's been making you upset, left to scrutinise yourself for being a bad girlfriend. Have you done something wrong? Have you accidentally been pushing him away, too?

Graham and you live in a flat, and you have done for nearly two years. You've been together since you were nineteen and it's been good up until this point. He's hit rock bottom, you feel.

You're in bed, you got in half an hour ago, but you can't sleep. Thoughts, why do you have to think. Bed has been so cold without Graham beside you, he's been gone for days. Band rehearsals, you've been torn to assume. Don't worry about me, he says. But saying that, you worry even more. You don't want him to do something stupid.

You hear the door of the apartment unlock but your stomach sinks. You are about to fall asleep, but you don't want to get up, maybe you're dreaming. You hear Graham numbing where you are, and so you find it safe. Graham is the only one who has a key anyway, unless someone has stolen his key... He finds your bedroom, and shuts it. Walking around the bed, the steps get quieter and quieter as they hit the rug either side of your double bed. Pretending to be asleep, you make quiet breathing sounds, hoping it's Graham, he's come back to stay, you hope.

"Y/N." you hear him groan quietly, he has gotten in bed, and you can feel his body heat; it is still cold though. Maybe he's been out all night, probably. You want to hug him and tell him everything was okay, but you are supposed to be asleep. Thankfully, you are facing Graham before you pretended sleeping.

"I can explain everything." he shuffles closer, your bodies touching. He wraps his cold arms around your warm waist and rest his weary head on your shoulder. Ah, you've been waiting for this, you think, you smile, but he can't tell, it's dark.

"I tried... tried to.. kill myself yesterday, but Damon helped me. The pressure.... it was— too much. I couldn't bear it. I am coping. I will cope. I just need——" Graham whimpers and chokes out sobs while hugging you tighter. You can't help that your eyes are watering, but you try not to sniffle. What you had dreaded had happened, been attempted. You had no idea Graham had been going through this that bad, and it hurt you even more to know he hid it from you.

"I love you, baby. I'm sorry... for.. not telling you. I don't ever want to worry you.. I love you, I love you. Please.. stay with me. I can't lose you, not now, not... ever..." he cries harder and squeezes you tighter

It's almost an instant reaction that you hold your arms around his head, offering him your endearing warmth and love, as you always have done. Graham continues to cry on you, you can feel your chest getting wet.

"Baby, stay with me. I'm so sorry. I just have been so caught up, so on edge, so..... You're the only thing that matters to me. I love you... forever, my Y/N."

You start crying, there is no way out of this.

He leans up his head to look at you, he probably can see your tears in the light from the street lamp out the window. You take his glasses off, fiddling around for them in the light. He kisses your lips gently and you hold him close with all the support and love you can possibly offer. You bury your head in his hair, trying to smell where he's been. He just smells of smoke and a little bit like metal.

"I will love you forever Graham. You always have me, my darling."