Justin's POV
I drove back home, struggling to see the road due to the tears formed up in my eyes.
She made her decision, but I was desperately hoping that she had picked a different outcome.
I really thought that after sleeping through it, she'd be less mad, that she would stay, and give us another try.
It's what I wanted at least.
I left holding back so many things I had to say, so many arguments and reasons to convince her that we could still work things out, that it wasn't totally doomed. But what's the use? I've fought for her so hard over the years, for so many times...
I had so much inside of me, so much love for her.
I just hope she finds peace within herself, that even though I'm gone, she finds happiness.
I truly hope she accomplishes her goals, and even if it's from a distance, I get to see her do it. I know she can do it, and she will.
She has a huge piece of my heart, and she always will. I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I love her. We spent so much time together, even when we broke up she'd still be here, I don't know life without her.
Getting used to knowing that she's not there anymore, at all, it's going to be the most difficult thing I'll have to do, I know that for a fact.
I got to the house and headed inside.
I sat down in the couch and blankly stared at the ground.
I have to let her go this time.
I sighed and got my phone out.
Justin:
I saw her
She actually chose to end things
I wasn't ready, if i'm being honest
Hailey:
i'm sorry :(
What happened exactly?
Justin:
I'm not sure
I'm still processing it all
We argued last night
Took a pause
and she officially ended it this morning
Hailey:
How are you dealing with it?
Pls don't go back to ur old habits
Last time you guys broke up was scary
Justin:
:/
I don't know how i feel yet
It doesn't feel real
I had so much to say but
I just left
Hailey:
why didn't you?
you should've gotten it off your chest
Justin:
I figured it wasn't worth it
It wouldn't had changed anything
Hailey:
well
You can tell me
If it would help you
Justin:
I love her
I'm sorry
I really love her
A part of me thinks she'll be back
but i'm not so sure this time
I'm worried about her
I don't know if breaking up was a good thing
although she was the one who wanted it
Hailey:
Why do you think that?
Justin:
she said something in her sleep
it was personal but
it just got me worried
I don't want anything bad to happen to her
I felt bad dropping all this on Hailey, she's always listening to me bitch and whine, she must grow tired of it.
I got out of our chat and tapped on Charlotte's contact. I truly did have a lot of things to say. I know she's going through a hard time, I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to let her know I cared and had her best interests at heart, that she could count on me, but... maybe it's not the best idea.
Fuck it. I have to.
Justin:
Listen,
I was going to let you go easily, while keeping whatever I felt inside to not bother you with it, but I can't. You don't have to read any of this, but I have to get it out.
This morning I really thought you would change your mind, it honestly stung hearing you ask me to leave, but I respect your decision. I just wanted you to know that i'll always care about you, and I worry about your mental health due to all the comments you say.
I want to see you succeed and accomplish all your goals, even if that is as an outsider, so, even though it's not my business anymore, I wholesomely recommend that you seek professional help, like I have in the past, because I strongly believe it does help. I think it might be beneficial for you with your anxiety and all the stress you're under.
You have what it takes to do whatever you want. I believe you're capable of getting this degree and eventually becoming the doctor you've always planned to be. I'm already so proud of you.
I'll always carry with me the memories we made, from the moment we met in that hotel bar, and l all the times you made me happy throughout the years I've known you. You are the love of my life, even though things didn't work out, and you'll always be.
You don't know how much it hurt to walk out this morning, and all the pain I have in me as I accept that we didn't work out, and erasing the idea of a future with you.
Goodbye Charlotte
I want to say I wasn't expecting her to reply, but seeing that she had read my message and chose to ignore it... it hurt like hell.
This time it really is over.
I wiped the tears off my face and placed my phone down next to me.
"Fuck..." I groaned to myself as I rubbed my eyes.
I began to bounce my leg up and down, hoping it would calm me.
I stayed in the position for a few minutes until the inevitable happened, i felt too choked up to hold myself back, now a loud sobbed escaped my mouth.
How am I supposed to just let go? She was the one, everything I wanted, everything I thought I needed. Now Im just supposed to forget about her, about our plans together, after everything we went through?
Am I supposed to ignore the hundred memories I've made with her, and just move on? After becoming so attached and dependent on her, making her the center of my everything... Just like that, we become strangers again?
It fucking hurts.
