Show Me Some Respect || Kylo Ren

What Happened?

"I don't understand."

Atticus stood in front of you, troopers on either side of him. You looked back at him, embarrassed by what you had just said. Stay with the Commander. Did you honestly think he would get something like that? Of course not, especially since Kylo had been behaving the way he had. Then again, they didn't know the other version of him that you did. What they were seeing now was what they had always seen; no wonder they were so fed up.

"Darling," he reached out for your face, and you allowed him to hold it in his hand as you nuzzled in deeper to his skin. "How could you possibly want to be with that?"

You looked up at him, a cold look on your face but a warm one in your eyes. His quivering lip said it all; he knew now why you were so quick to defend him, why you rarely ever said a bad word about him, even when he wasn't around. He saw the look in your eyes and knew that you just didn't want to say it out loud.

It was hard. Admitting your, what was even the word for it? Strong admiration? Extreme care? Obsession? Whatever it was, your throat always dried up when you tried to say it, even just to yourself.

With Atticus, it was harder. Maybe even harder than if you said it to the Commander. You both met each other at the most difficult points of your life. Back when you had just lost everyone in your life, and back when he was just a hotshot with lucky aim. Neither of you mattered in this world, but you mattered to each other. Before he left for that mission, the one where he disappeared from you, he told you no matter where life took him; it would always lead him back to the girl who gave him a reason to live that life.

It would always take him back to you.

Well, he was finally back with you. He kept that promise he made, but you were so different back then. Back then, it took a lot for someone to grab your attention. Atticus tried for months to get you to look at him.

But, Kylo.

That damned brute had you drooling over him since the second you met him. What was it about him that made him so infectious? Maybe it was his mysterious demeanor or the way he teased you at every interaction. It was like a game with him, and you liked the adrenaline that came with it. He took you by surprise more and more each day and never failed to keep you on your toes.

Well, whatever it was, you wanted it. You wanted it so badly that it was as necessary to your life as eating and breathing. But telling Atticus that would be too much. Admitting it to yourself would be even worse. So, for now, you'd put it in simple terms.

"Because I finally have a reason to live my life, and... it's with him."

Atticus's heart sank. You couldn't physically feel it, but looking in his eyes, you practically watched it drop down to the pit of his stomach. Using his own line against him that might've been too cruel. Though, you doubted he would've understood if you worded it any other way, and it wouldn't have given him that final notice that you and he were never happening again, as much as that hurt to think.

"Well," he finally managed to say, choking down his words. You didn't think he was going to cry, but you knew this wasn't an easy thing for him to accept. "If you ever change your mind, please come find me." His hand wrapped around your own, his eyes pleading with you to reconsider, say every word that just came out of your mouth was a lie, and you never meant any of it. But you wouldn't. Those eyes didn't work on you anymore. You knew you'd see him again, so there was no point in a goodbye.

You gave an awkward smile as you turned to go down the hall, his hand falling off your arm and back down at his side again. You could feel his eyes looking at you, hoping you'd turn back to face him again for just one more glance, but you didn't.