BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2013

Chapter 2- Comments

June 17th, 2013:

I was in my homeroom class during one of our short breaks, going through the comments of the No More Dream music video as well as the choreography version. I had already watched all the videos about us including the music videos, the Mnet performance, and the 1theK showcase several times, but the company kept telling us not to look at comments so I was scared to go through comments at the HQ.

I don't know why I thought school would change after our debut. Maybe I selfishly thought people might start trying to befriend me or help me do my work, but instead, no one came to talk or help me whatsoever. Nothing at all changed, except perhaps the fact that there were more whispers every time I entered a room. Some people found it rather scandalous I was in a group with 7 other male members. Mixed group of 2 boys and 2 girls were somewhat acceptable given the even small amount, but 7 to 1 that was too much for some people. Apparently, someone even started a petition, saying it wasn't right and almost sinful.

As I started scrolling through the music video comments the first few comments were positive, making me smile. They were comments like "wow, that's such a cool move", "can Jimin's abs purify me like a washing board cleans clothes?", or "this song is so good, I think I might have to become a fan". I chuckled at the one talking about Jimin's abs.

However, once I reached further down the comments, they got less and less positive. Comments like "what's the purpose of the girl? Is she there to pleasure the boys?", "If you were gonna add a girl, why not at least choose a pretty one", or "I hope her personality is good, because her figure is not it, so fat...".

I know "haters gonna hate", but I couldn't help but once again doubt myself. I knew or thought I knew, I deserved to be in the group, I was pretty sure the boys thought I deserved to be in the group, but if the fans didn't think I deserved it then my idol career would be very short indeed. The company, and Namjoon, had given the group a warning about not looking at comments and if we did not to take them too seriously, but I couldn't help it. I think there was a sliver of hope in me that thought people might have liked me. I was human, after all, I craved love like everyone else.

I closed my phone and shoved my head in my hands, sighing. To think I thought it would get easier. I suddenly felt someone tap my shoulder. I open my eyes and lookup. My eyes go wide, and I immediately shoot up and hug the person tightly.

"Jiyoung-unnie! When did you get back, why didn't you text me!" I say into her shoulder, still hugging her.

"Hi Y/N, I got back yesterday. Congrats on the debut! You guys looked dope on Mnet. And the music video, what can I say, incredible," she says smiling wide at me letting go of the hug.

"Thanks! I wish you were with us though," I reply, my smile disappearing slightly.

"You guys are doing great without me, it just wasn't meant to be I guess," says Jiyoung, forcing a smile.

"How's your leg? Last you said, the operation was successful," I question her.

"Yeah, it went fine. I'm having to do rehab to get it back to the strength it was at before. I've gotten a little fat from not doing anything for 2 months," she chuckles, patting her still flat stomach.

"If your fat, I'm the image of obesity Jiyoung," I say looking down at my own flat stomach.