The Unattainable (The Foreplay to Forgiveness)

Chapter 31 - Endless Pain

Mikhail-

I am a trite and only a semi-repentant sinner.

I was pre - occupied with the things I had done earlier and again I was governed by lust as I watched Adelaine peacefully sleeping in my bed. She was ruffled in sheets, her hair was messy but she still looked so innocent, so ... angelic.

I wandered downstairs to fix myself some Scotch. It was almost midnight and my desire had been satiated. It should've felt wonderful but I was bothered by my demons.

Demons from my past.

But it wasn't just my past. They were the demons I'd fought at night after being woken up by nightmares. They were my insecurities, my deepest fears. They were the sins I had done and the emotions I couldn't contain. They were a part of me and were what I had become.

I feared the day Adelaine would know the truth.

"Can't sleep?" Gregory-God only knows when he had managed to get behind me-asked, and it made me jumped and sent a shiver down my spine.

"Jesus Christ, Gregory, what the fuck are you doing sneaking around in the kitchen?" I barked at him, almost completely pissed off with him.

"I was going to ask you the same thing, sir," he replied in a mocking way.

The man was wearing his usual sleeping outfit- vertical-striped PJs. I would have thought it was a funny thing to wear at his age if I hadn't known Greg so well. Greg probably looked old but the man had an uncanny way of putting humor in everything he did. He walked up to the fridge and noticed what was in my hand. "Did you send Adelaine home?" His eyes suddenly narrowed, looking at me shrewdly.

"She's sleeping," I said, walking past him. He walked up behind me, following me into the living room where I flopped on the couch.

"What happened to you, Mik?"

I shot him an incredulous look. Normaly he would address me as 'sir' but Gregory was perceptive by nature. Always had been. I could never slip anything past him. He had witnessed my growth into my father's estate in Florida where I had spent fifteen years following the old man's rules. Gregory was more of a father to me than my real father had been, he always knew if I came home drunk or when I started smoking, or if I was getting in trouble. I guess he'd been that way because father and mother entrusted us to him for most of our lives. His senses just seemed to get better with age and he could sniff out problems even quicker. He was doing it right now.

"There are just things running around in my head, keeping me up," I replied wearily.

"Office work?"

I shook my head. I wished it was just business. I knew how to work it-I could easily fix business problems in a snap of my fingers, I hadn't build T/E with nothing. But this is not an activity I exchanged for money.

Greg left the room for a minute. He returned a moment later with a beer in his hand, took a sip and sat opposite to me. "Whiskey doesn't work well in my belly, anymore. Beer is just as good," he explained.

Perfect. Now he was trying to make me talk.

Closing my eyes I leaned my head back, trying to clear my mind. When it came to a man-to-man conversation I was a pathetic excuse for a conversationist. I was used to being kept to myself and I grew up cold and...well, callous.

He was patient for a while but he started talking eventually. "May I say something to you?" he said in a steady, more serious voice. "You're showing all the signs."

"Shut up, Gregory."

He reached over and patted my knee. "You have fallen in love, lad. Whether you like it or not."