Black Cat

19|| denial

How do I do this?

I've never been in love before—

Of course I haven't. For a while I never even talked with anybody my age.

I'll do the worst option possible to save myself from heartbreak, a little bit of avoiding.

I walk in the halls with Stacy and Ellie in front of me. Jenna and Jessica have been suspended for a week and they were told to reflect on their actions and dwell on the consequences.

I truly don't know what to think.

I enter the classroom with Stacy and Ellie at my side still. They continue talking without you. They know you don't really feel like talking right now. You open your chrome book and find a brand new email waiting for you in your inbox by the least likely person. Jessica. The one that decided to talk words and form them into acts of violence.

You bite your lip out of nervousness. They still aren't paying attention.

I'm strong, I can do this. I already went through the worst already. This can't do anything to me.

You open it and read it silently.

——>

jessicas@nekoma
to: [y/n][l/n]@nekoma
......................

Re: apologies
.......

Hello [y/n],

I understand if you're not reading this, and I honestly wouldn't either if I were you. An apology won't even amount to the things I have said and done. Nothing I say or do can justify what I did.

I'm not sending this because the principal told me to, I am doing this on my own will —after dwelling on what I did which is something he told me to do. I know I said that nothing that I say or do can justify what I did but I want to explain myself. I don't expect forgiveness after this.

One word: jealousy. Home life wasn't very good for me. No one really loved one another after they had me. They said I wasn't planned. Technically that should mean i was jealous of a lot of people so why did I choose to pick on you. I was able to mask my jealousy by your weirdness —let me reword that, uniqueness— and say that what you were doing wasn't something a normal kid would do. I just wanted parents that loved me and that weren't always yelling to each other every night about getting a divorce. I thought you were perfect. I idolized your life.

You sit there happy —as you should be right now— in school as I sit here at home. I have accepted the consequences of my actions, I will not continue this. I have learned my lesson. I sit here now, in my room, after I just got yelled at about why I would do such a thing and she's probably chugging down a whiskey bottle as of right now. (And she still wonders why I turned out bad).

Hope nothing comes in your way anymore. Have a good day!

<——

I finally let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding in.

I'm not dumb.

I don't see things just black and white as I know a lot of people do. I know that people have their own opinions and reasons for doing what they did whether it be good or bad.

I just didn't know her side was that bad.

If I'm going to get an email from Jenna, she's probably going to blame it on Jessica. Fake bitches.

"Are you okay [y/n]?" Stacy asks, "you looked a little pale".

"Is it what you were looking at on your chrome book?" Ellie asks right away.

You shift it so that Stacy can see the screen, letting her read over it carefully. Her face immediately gets really serious as she reads the email for herself. Ellie shoves her head out of the way so Stacy doesn't block the whole thing. Ellie and Stacy read together.

"Looks believable" Ellie says really quickly. She's a fast reader.

"How do we know she's not making this up right now?" Stacy counters.

"It sounds true because it's such a vivid image" Ellie mentions, "and plus, if she was just making it up shame on her for bringing it up"

"We don't know unless she gives us a straight up apology in person" Stacy says right back trying to finish the argument.

"What about an apology?" Kuroo asks coming into the room. He sits down right next to you and takes your chrome book, starting to read the apology letter from Jessica.

So much for avoiding.

Why does he have one of those serious faces when he reads? Serious looks hot on him.

Let me say that now.

Wait what— I'm NOT supposed to think about him right now.

"So what do you think about it?"

"I'm on the fence" Kuroo decides now with a neutral look on his face. He glances at you next, "but it's not my choice whether or not it's believable"

"I don't know yet, I think i want to hear it in person. But it's still nice getting an apology" you explain, "Jenna did the lesser half of the bullying but yet I haven't even gotten an apology from her. Won't matter though, she'll just blame it on Jessica"

"Everyone's in denial" Ellie muses.

"What are you going to do about it now?"

——>

[y/n][l/n]@nekoma
to: jessicas@nekoma
........................................

Re: apologies
.......................

Thanks Jessica for at least attempting at forming an apology. I don't think what you did was right but even then, we all have our reasons —whether it be good or bad— and I think that because you were in such household, it caused you to act in a disrespectful manner.

Even past this, I would like to speak to you in person if that's okay with you. If you are available, let me know so that we can set a time up that we can meet.

My best regards, [l/n] [y/n]

<——