Her Only Weakness ✔~ trixya

The Cloak Of Night

Katya parked around the corner from the apartment, pulling the hood of her coat over her head before stepping out of the car. She shouldn't be there, she knew that, but she needed to know that Trixie was okay. After that she would leave and not return until she had found a solution for everything. But she needed to take this risk so she could keep her mind calm and focused moving forward.

She unlocked the apartment door with the spare key she had gotten made before her disappearance, knowing Trixie would already be sleeping if she was there, the moon already sitting high on the night sky among bright stars. With careful steps she made her way towards the bedroom, just barely opening the door to look at the woman she loved more than anything in the world.

Katya breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Trixie laying safely in her bed. She would lay down next to her in a heartbeat if she could, if she could just tell Trixie about everything, explain what was going on. But she imagined that the girl hated her now after her cruel betrayal. Katya wasn't sure the truth was much better either. If Trixie knew what she had done, the risks she had taken to protect them both, it would kill her.

The truth was honestly what scared Katya the most now.
She had tried so hard to prepare Trixie, make the girl know that she could never truly betray her, but she had no way of knowing if Trixie would realize that. And even if she did, there was no guarantee that it would make her forgive her. Katya honestly wouldn't blame Trixie if she did hate her. 

How could she?

She had played Trixie one way or another, sent her heart through a roller coaster on a day when she should've been at her happiest. The Russian had imagined many scenarios where she'd explain everything and apologize, but Trixie still wouldn't be able to forgive her. In her mind she saw Trixie treating her like a stranger, telling her that sorry wasn't enough.

If that happened Katya didn't know what she'd do. She was already a mess without Trixie, already forgetting to take care of herself, skipping meals to the point where she felt constantly dizzy. It was like time stopped for her, the road ahead nearly gone in the fog of loneliness. She didn't even realize how much she depended on Trixie before she could no longer come home to the girl. It was only now when she was next to her wife again that she felt alive. 

She sat down on the edge of the bed next to Trixie, her fingers gently combing through the girl's blonde curls. Trixie moved slightly causing her left hand to come into view, and a sad smile found Katya's lips when she noticed the wedding ring that was still wrapped around the girl's finger. Part of her felt hopeful, wondering if it could mean that Trixie had realized what she had tried to tell her, but the other part felt guilty for everything she was putting her new wife through. This hell was not what she had imagined for their wedding day originally, and she hated that she had to use their love as a pawn in her scheme. It wasn't what Trixie deserved, nor what the girl had wanted when she ran away from her old life, Katya knew that. Trixie had wanted simple, normal, and honest, and the Russian had given her the exact opposite. That fact would never change.

"I love you... so much more than you will ever understand. And I'm sorry for everything... but I hope you will eventually forgive me, Trixie Zamolodchikova." Katya whispered before placing a soft kiss on Trixie's forehead. 

With that she left her sleeping angel, sneaking back out of the apartment and into her car, driving away into the night. Hot tears were streaming down her cheeks from the heartache and guilt, and even though she tried to remind her heart of why she was doing all of this, the pain didn't fade. It was eating her up from inside, but she knew this was their only choice.

She couldn't risk having anyone thinking that Trixie knew about the file.
She couldn't risk anyone going after the girl she loved.
She couldn't risk her wife ending up like her mother.