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My legs were practically trembling as I walked outside. Ash was stood beside his car, kicking some rocks mindlessly before he looked up at me.
I shot him a weak smile as he opened the passenger door for me and closed it once I was in the seat.
Neither of us had said a single word by the time he started the car up and began driving. We got half way down my road when he finally asked, "Where do you wanna go?"
"Somewhere quiet," I suggested, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Aight," was all he said in response. Nothing else was said after that either. We both sat in a comfortable silence as he drove to a deserted park.
Once we arrived he got out and opened my door for me again so I could follow behind him. He directed me to a wooden bench where he sat down first. I sat beside him, consciously leaving a gap between us.
"This is gonna be difficult so just give me a minute.." I trailed off awkwardly, not sure where to start. Just as I went to retrieve the list from my pocket Ashtray spoke up, "I always loved you, like even before we made things official. You know that, right?"
I didn't respond. Partly because I was taken aback by his honesty and also because I didn't even know what to say. I would be lying if I said I never had moments of doubt when Ashtray did things that didn't seem like love at the time.
"Did you love me? Like actually love me?" he closed the silence again.
"I still do," I stated simply.
There was no need for a pause this time. That was one thing I was sure of. I still loved Ashtray, even after everything.
"What?" he spoke lowly, disbelief in his tone.
"I still love you. Even if this," I gestured at the space in between us, "is done. I will always love you Ash."
"If you still love me why do you want this - us to be done?" his voiced cracked slightly.
"A relationship can't last on just love. I feel like we're constantly going in circles and it's not good for either of us. All we do is hurt each other and it's not fair," I sighed.
"I don't get things went so wrong" he muttered in a hoarse tone.
"I think we just rushed into it all too quickly," I kept my head down, glancing over at the tattoos on both of our wrists.
"So did you ever think things would work out after this break?" he queried.
"I don't know.." I responded honestly, "I always wanted things to work but deep down I think I knew this time apart probably wasn't the answer."
