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I didn't go out for the rest of the weekend after the party and I had managed to fall back into my slump. I decided to skip school on Monday as the last thing I wanted was to socialise with a bunch of people. The only person I wanted to speak to was Ashtray.
The guilt of my drunken actions had been eating me up all weekend and I finally decided to do something about it. I wore a basic tracksuit since I only planned on going round to the store and I honestly didn't have any energy to make an effort in my appearance.
My nerves heightened as I saw Ashtray sat up on the counter daydreaming quietly. For a moment I thought about turning around and leaving him in peace but by that point he had already spotted me.
"Hey," I spoke barely above a whisper as I leant against the fridge. Ash just looked me up and down without a word.
"Ash I'm sorry," I sighed to which he chuckled lightly to himself but I just ignored it as I continued to speak, "I mean it. I was acting like a bitch the other night and you didn't deserve it. I just let my insecurities get to me and I need you to understand I am really sorry."
"It's cool," he shrugged, not even looking at me.
I was taken aback by his lack of words, I was expecting at least a sarcastic comment from him. "Is that all you've got to say?" I furrowed my brows.
"Well I'm on the clock so I can't really talk right now," he responded coldly. I looked around the empty store with a frown considering his thoughtless excuse.
"Of course, I would never want to get in the way of business. You seem really busy.." I couldn't help the sarcasm slip though.
"If there ain't anything else you want then you should go cause like I said I got shit to do," Ash snapped although his angry expression was soon dropped as he became fixated on something.
I followed his eye-line to see that he was staring at the bruising on my arm from when he had grabbed me. I looked back up to make eye contact with him as his face softened before I pulled my zip up hoodie back onto my shoulder to cover the area.
"Um..Well can we meet up later? I feel like there's some other stuff we should talk about," I responded which took his attention away from my arm.
"I guess so. I get off at ten so I'll come by yours on the way," he spoke lowly.
"Okay. Well just message me when you're outside," I weakly smiled to which he silently nodded.
I stood still for a moment as if I was expecting something else. It wasn't until Ash shot me a confused glare that I realised nothing else was coming, "See you later.."
The rest of the day went by painfully slow. As much as I was dreading the talk with Ash, the waiting game beforehand was so much worse. I was constantly pacing around my room trying to think of what to say.
I eventually ended up writing up a list of all the things I needed to say. I spent over an hour rewriting it over and over again. I must have thrown away at least 15 sides of paper, all of which were tear stained with smudged ink. The final list was only one side and I left it on my dresser to take with me later on.
All my emotions had tired me out and since I hadn't been sleeping much the last couple nights, my exhaustion had caught up with me causing me to doze off. I was out cold for a couple hours and once I woke up I checked the time to see it was now 8:30pm.
I hadn't eaten all day so I prepared myself some pasta. I tried to eat as much of the meal as possible but my appetite was pretty much nonexistent at that point. Even the small amount I did eat didn't last for very long. My nerves were just too overwhelming and I couldn't stomach the food, resulting in me throwing up almost straight after.
I showered, brushed my teeth, and changed into clean clothes, sticking my hair into a basic bun and leaving my face bare. I kept my eye on the clock as it neared closer to ten. I looked over the list a final time before carefully placing it in my back pocket.
My heart practically stopped when I heard a car pull up outside. I peered out the window to of course see Ashtray's car parked up just as my phone pinged.
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ash
im outside. read 22:11
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