Aspiring Nobody

Chapter 46 He's leaving

ERIN'S POV

The loud banging on my dorm door startles me. I freeze, and my bag of dirty washing falls from my fingers and hits my bare feet. My heart races. It's not Styles since his knock is different; I know because he was here yesterday. I couldn't bring myself to open the door. So, I sat on my bed and listened to his gentle knocks. I'm not sure if he knew I was inside or not. But the moment I heard him say he was sorry, I put my earphones in and blocked him.

Could it be Michael, here to make good on his threats? I glance around the room for something to defend myself, which is comical when I'm at my weakest. But whatever, I will still fight to protect myself, even though I don't doubt it would end badly for me.

"Erin. Are you in there?" The sound of Ryan's deep voice has the knot in my gut easing.

Thank God!

The second I open the door and see Ryan's face; I throw my arms around him. It's moments like this one, I am reminded that I am not alone in the world. Any issues we had, I'm ready to forget. I rest my head against his shoulder and take in his woody cologne. I'm just thankful to be close to someone who actually cares about me. Which is more reason to get home to mum? I need her comfort and support more than I need anything else right now.

Ryan gives me a tap on the back and then pulls away. I don't miss the "what's got into you" expression on his face. I understand his confusion. Because since my move to Sydney, we've been at loggerheads. He didn't trust me to make smart decisions, and guess what, he was right. I made every dumb decision possible. But I'm still breathing.

Now we need to put it behind us — respect that we are two separate people with two separate views and options — and move forward.

Ryan stares at me. "Jesus, Erin, you don't look so good."

A soft smile tugs at my mouth. "True. Anyway, come in."

He breezes through the door. "Finally found a flat. "

"Oh, cool?"

He tells me where it is and when him and Tasha will move in. To my surprise, he offers me the spare room again. I thank him, but decline the offer. I tell him it's time for me to make my own way. And in all honesty, I think we would have a better relationship if we were under separate roofs. He agrees, to my relief.

"I got your text," he informs me.

Oh, that text. I had sent it days ago. It's kind of embarrassing now. It was regarding my relationship with Styles. I had kept it simple. Just making Ryan aware that Styles and I were together. And I hoped he would be happy for us, but if he wasn't, I didn't want to hear it. He didn't respond. "Oh, that. Actually, we broke up. And I'd rather not talk about it."

Ryan nods. "Ok."

Ok. That takes me by surprise. But I suspect he already saw that coming. And I am thankful he didn't make a big deal of it, which would have been another blow I don't need. Fact is, I don't want him to find out what happened; it's too humiliating and would only cause more trouble. And since discovering what Styles will do, is capable of, I don't want Ryan getting caught up in any of it. He would go after Styles, and god only knows what it would lead to; where it would end.

"You seem different, Erin."

I shrug. "Yeah, well, learning to support yourself is kind of life changing." Truth is, I feel like I've taken a nasty tumble. But instead of landing on my feet, I landed on my head, and now, I am struggling to find my feet again.

Ryan sighs and then repositions himself in the chair. "I saw Styles at work earlier today."

Every part of my sad body comes alive, which is ridiculous. The man hurt me, humiliated me, and made me doubt every moment, every word he had said to me. But oh well. That's life. Or, at least, that's my life. And now, for the sake of my mental health, I need to get my head around what's happened and find some resolution before it breaks me.

"I'm not sure if you are aware, sis, but we kind of got in to it over you a few weeks back. I threatened him. And truthfully, I was out of line. I realize that now. I mean, he could have retaliated... and I thought he would have after what happened between us — what he said."

"What did he say?"

Ryan pushes his hands in his pants pockets and shrugs. "Oh, shit... something about me being the cause and soon I'd see the effect."

I gulp, knowing exactly what he meant. It's that specific confrontation with Ryan that caused Styles to do what he did to me. So if Ryan hadn't interfered that day, none of this would have happened. Which means things would be so different right now. Styles and I would be together. Instead, I'm miserable without him. But I can't blame Ryan for this. Because as hurt as I am, this has given me a chance to see the other side of Styles. So no, I guess we wouldn't be happy together. "What happened between you two?" I ask.

"We argued about you, and then he punched me in the face. I have since apologized to him, though. We're cool now."

"You and him are cool."

Ryan pulls a face at my sudden tone. "I thought that's what you'd want."

"You caused all that trouble," I say, "and now you two are cool!" The thought infuriates me.

"Ok, we're not that cool, not like friends. Not that it matters, because he's about to leave the country."

"He's what?"

"He's leaving? As in a holiday?"

Ryan shakes his head. "No. He accepted a job overseas."

The newspaper offered him a corresponding job overseas... he accepted."

He's leaving. The sudden pain in my chest feels like it may kill me where I stand.

He's not even here and yet his actions are pushing me to snapping point.