Aspiring Nobody

Chapter 23 Crossing paths

ERIN'S POV

It's been six days since my confrontation with mum and Ryan at the café, and although mum and I are cool, I have not spoken with Ryan since. I can't say I care much. And unless he's ready to treat me as an adult, then he can stay away.

That doesn't mean I want them finding out about the strip club, though. And until I can breathe easy about my financial situation, then I'll continue to work here. I would go as far to say I am now living in survival mode than that of a peaceful existence.

It's weird how my mind set has changed since I started working here. But while struggling through my financial hardship, I am coming to terms with not having the life I assumed I would live when I moved to Sydney.

I side step a dancer as she sashays past me smelling of floral perfume and seductively throwing her hips to the beat of the music. As I move through the tables with a stack of glasses on my tray, a male customer blocks my path. Can't this guy see I am run off my feet right now. "Can I help you?" I ask.

He smiles. "You don't recognize me?"

With everything going on around me, I can barely concentrate let alone waste too much time focusing on one customer when it's so busy. "Should I?" I yell over the music. It's hard to make out his face beneath a short dark beard.

He leans closer to me. "It's me, Erin?"

I pull back from him. "And that should mean something?" I remind myself that he probably asked one of the staff what my name is. He wouldn't be the first customer to do so. Besides all that, I can barely register his voice over the loud music, much less make out the features of his face through the subdued lighting.

"I recognized you straight away," he shouts over the music. "I still can't believe it's you? And to find you here."

My eyes narrow in on his eyes. And immediately, I am sucking in a sharp intake of breath. My hands tremble, causing the tray to wobble and the glasses to rattle. I do a little dance to steady the tray, and then my eyes dart back to his. Now, through the dim lighting, I recognize what I failed to notice in his almond-shaped eyes seconds ago.

The tray shakes again, and he grabs it from my hands. Everything around me disappears, and all I focus on are his topaz eyes staring back at me. "Dmitri!"

He smiles and nods. "Yes, it's me."

My God, it really is him behind all that hair. When I saw him last he was clean shaven with short curls. Now, his ringlets are shoulder length.

Of all the ways I have fantasied about our paths crossing again, it was never like this. And none of the clingy and desperate things I had dreamt up to say to him should we meet up again are now relevant. How is this possible? And what's he doing here? Because I am still finding it hard to comprehend that he's here and within my reach. "My god! I... can't get my head around this. It's seems so surreal. What are you doing here?"

He points to a group of men in their twenties. "Here for a stag party."

He's changed. Now he looks very bohemian with his neck and hand jewelry, black vest, tan pants and lace up brown boots. "Do you live in Sydney?"

"Yes. I live in Surry Hills... alone." he emphasizes the last part.

Alone. Somehow, I gulp that piece of information down without choking on it. And then try to get my head around him living so close to me.

"What time do you finish, Erin? Maybe we can catch up afterwards?"

He wants to meet up. And this would be the perfect time to pick up where things ended between us. It's what I once wanted, and now that we've met up again, we could make it happen. This time we would be free to do as we please. And not too long ago I would have fought for the chance.

Now, however, any interest I had in him is gone. Nor do I feel a particular way about seeing him again; which seems inconceivable, but somewhere in-between leaving home and trying to figure out how to run my life — I gave up caring. I could never have guessed it would take a lifestyle change to lose him and find myself; well, I'm in the midst of finding myself, that is.

Truth is, I'm no longer the Erin he knew. My life is different — I'm different — and now my feelings and my heart reflect that. I may have outgrown my old self, but I've also out grown him. And I'm fine with that. Thankful, in fact. Because now I can put him behind me and live my life as I want. "No." I tell him. "I'm not meeting up with you. I've moved on and so should you."

And just like that, with the pounding lyrics of an Armand Van Helden song 'My My My' booming around the club, I let go of Dmitri for the last time. And for the first time, I don't care. Whatever the case, I am glad to have seen him. Glad to finally put him behind me and move on.