Aspiring Nobody

Chapter 40 Too many lies

STYLES' POV

As Erin rests her head on my chest, I run my fingers through her hair. "So, you won't be letting Becky stay anymore?"

I kiss the back of her head and say, "no. And you shouldn't feel threatened by her." I tickle her as I say this and she laughs and squirms in my arms before snuggling in against me with a contented sigh. "Yeah, I know. I guess I'm just a little jealous of the history you two share."

I'm thankful Erin can't see my troubled face right now. "It's not the sort of history you might be thinking of. We went through some heavy shit in the short time we were together. Things I never want to experience again."

"Like that car accident."

"Yes... but Miranda wasn't the only one who died; Becky was pregnant and lost the baby that night."

Erin pulls herself up with wide eyes and a stunned expression. "Your baby." It comes out as a statement rather than a question, because, well, she already knows the answer and is looking for confirmation.

I gulp. "Yes."

"That's horrible! I'm so sorry!"

"Yeah, so am I." I tell Erin how Becky and I tried to make it work because she was pregnant. "I stayed with her because that's what I felt was expected of me. But after five months, our relationship turned noxious. By then we were living together. She didn't like that I still partied, and I didn't like how controlling she was. One night I was out with Joseph and Miranda and without a ride home. So, I called her as a last resort to pick us up. It pissed her off, especially when she arrived and saw how high I was. On the drive to drop Miranda and Joseph home, she swerved to miss a truck. Our car ran off the road, hit a ditch, and flipped. Joseph and I were ok, but Miranda ended up with a serious head injury and died. Becky lost the baby that night. She called him Toby. She blamed me for everything. She said if I hadn't called her, none of it would have happened."

"I expected no commutation with her after that. Then, one day, she showed up at my door and we had a huge argument. But from it, we've learnt to deal with each other. So, every year on the anniversary of the accident, we visit the cemetery together. That's the only time we see each other. It's not about love, but rather the grief her and I share."

I greet the morning with Erin's body draped across mine. Her coconut scented hair makes me think of coco punch and crispy bacon. What the hell. Time for food and a strong coffee to clear my groggy head and restore my energy for today.

I consider waking Erin, but decide against it since she looks so peaceful. Even in sleep she's beautiful. And I'm glad one of us can rest. Every time I dozed off during the night, I kept waking up to see if she was still beside me. I couldn't seem to get my head around her being in my bed. Even now I'm still finding it hard to believe that she's broken away from that mental safety bumper she hides behind.

I toss the cover back and ease my way out from under Erin's limbs. She doesn't register my movement, even though the mattress dips and squeaks under my weight. I snatch up my boxer shorts from the floor and head for the bathroom in need of a piss.

From there, I head downstairs to make coffee. While I sit at the bench checking my messages, I try to focus on my new emails. Which is stupid when all I can think about is last night and how fucking mind-blowing the experience was?

A few minutes later, I stand at the kitchen window responding to yet another email, when I feel two arms slip around my waist.

"Morning, Ashley." Erin presses her lips to my back and leaves soft kisses across it.