The Heartless Queen

1 || M I C A E L A

Happiness is the opposite of what I'm always feeling. It's a feeling I don't always feel. It's an emotion unknown to me. It's always been strange to see a person happy, smiling or laughing with a person.

It's a feeling I have never felt because my life was pure darkness. No light would shine in my life even for only a second. I got used to it growing up since I never felt the need to smile. I didn't have anything to smile at.

I would see people smile all the time and I would get jealous because they got to smile at something while I didn't. They had a reason in life to smile and I didn't. I never had and I don't think I will ever have one.

They may have a family, parents, siblings, children, etc. That has a reason to live. Live for their loved one and for themselves. That's what I always hated, they had someone to live for while I had no one. I used to not have anyone in my life that I would give my life for. It wasn't until I found my people that I finally felt whole but there was still a part of me that was missing.

They bring me happiness but they still don't make me smile. I love them to death but they never made me smile and I needed to accept that they will never make me. I guess I'm just not capable of being happy. Being happy was forbidden to me and I've accepted it, even when it was hard to admit that I may die without even smiling for the first time.

Then there the pleasure I feel when I torture someone. The feeling I get when I jab a knife into their throat, the blood occing out of the huge slit across their throat. That is another thing that brings bliss but not enough to make me the happiest person in the world.

I've tortured hundreds and hundreds of people. They don't know who I am until I tell them my name but it's always told when they are at the brink of death. The reaction was the best part of it all. It's always the same reaction. Eyes wide open full of fear not like they were already filled with fear since they were dying. Mouth wide open and their body shaking just like a powerful turbulence.

The world doesn't know how I look nor my name but they do know me for my mafia and my Donna's name. I'm the head of the American mafia. The queen of all mafias and the government. They all know me as The Heartless Queen, the queen of everyone and everything.

I'm known all over the world as their queen. They may not know how I look or what my government name is but they respect me or fear me. I've shown them what would happen if I were to ever be disrespected.

I only come out at night to hunt my prey. The ones that need to pay for their crime. There are a lot of people that are running free because the government is fucking shit at what they are here to do. Even if I own them there are still things that I don't have time to change and plus I like hunting people then looking into their eyes making them realize that it was their turn to say hello to the devil on my behalf.

I love what I do and my mafia but it can get really hectic with life. But it's fine since I never had anyone waiting for me at home. It wasn't like I had a family waiting for me. Sure I have my family but I want one of my own, I have half of one I'm just missing that one person.

My family is not my biological family, but they are the family I had chosen. I do have a biological family in NYC, it consists of both parents and six older brothers. I know the woman that toured me is not my real mother.

I knew all of this because I had decided to look into my mothers past. I never believed her when she would say she was my mother and there were also times when she was drunk she would say I look just like her. I never understood until I looked into her. And indeed I did look just like her, my mother.

But even though they were my biological family I didn't want anything to do with them. I know what happened in the past but I don't need them in my life. I don't need them to come into my life and just screw it all up when it's all puzzled up. It took me years to get to where I am, I'm not about to let them ruin my hard work.