Luna(tic) (Marauders Era)

11. The Silent Language of Love and Promises

Morning came leaking through the windows of Ravenclaw tower to find Luna tucked in an uneasy sleep, her hands tight around Sam's arm like she was afraid he would simply vanish halfway through the night. She loosened it as she came to consciousness, pulling her hands back rather self consciously and wondering why he hadn't said something about the grip that must have been vice-like.

But even as she pulled away, Sam turned to look at her, and Luna had her answer. It was a look that made Luna's chest crack and split, but not from pain. It was a look she wanted to hold in her head forever. One that said he understood. One that whispered promises Luna desperately wanted them both to keep. One that said he'd kept silent because he didn't care if her fingers had pressed a little too hard, if they might have left bruises, not as long that grip was some comfort to her. It was a look that said she didn't have to let go. Not if she didn't want to.

And the truth was that Luna didn't want to. She wanted to stay clinging to his arm like a child, tucking herself against his side the way she sometimes still did with her mother. The way she thought she might have done with Sam when they were very young, though she couldn't remember for certain. She wanted to let him walk first, let him lead her, like by pulling herself up to him, she could find some shelter in his shadow.

She wouldn't though, she knew that. There was no safety to be found in that sort of open proximity to Sam. His shadow was, after all, as invisible as he was and even less real. So loathe thought she was to do it, Luna did let go. And she got up. And she stepped away. Because however much Luna wanted to cling to Sam now and today and always, she wanted even more to look normal. And she knew she couldn't have both.

Sam watched her go without a word but the gaze that followed her to the trunk she hadn't bothered to unpack yet was dark enough that Luna wanted to scream. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry. That she didn't mean it. That she wasn't leaving him sitting there because she wanted to. She wanted to tell him that if she could have had her way, she'd have stayed next to him on the bed all morning long, clinging and crying like the little girl she knew she was.

But Luna rarely got her way. And right now, there were two other girls getting themselves ready on the other side of this room who were stopping her from even daring to explain. So, sighing, Luna pulled her uniform out of her trunk as quickly as she could, hoping no one would notice the boys clothes folded on one side. And then she hurried off to the bathroom to get dressed.

The uniform, Luna discovered, was too big. This wasn't really surprising, of course. Luna was small and bony and always had been, the product of a childhood spent without quite enough to eat. So she tucked the shirt in and used her usual old belt whose fake leather finish was starting to peel away to make the whole slightly ridiculous ensemble look halfway decent.

When she looked in the mirror, Luna couldn't honestly have said she was very pleased by the results. She looked like a bad stick figure drawing come to life, with the loose sweater and the sleeves at least three inches too long. She sighed and rolled them up, frowning as she studied the effect. It was better than leaving them flopping around, but not by much.

Shaking her head, Luna went back to her trunk, grabbed her hairbrush and did her best to make the long tangle of it cooperate. It would hardly make a difference, of course. By the end of the day, she knew it would be back to its usual mess, but Luna also knew that first impressions mattered and she was desperate to make a good one.

Even with what she considered to be a ridiculous amount of fussing, however, Luna was still the first one ready to leave, though, in fairness to Kendra, this was more because Pandora spent twenty minutes in the bathroom trying to decide if she wanted to wear oak leaves or goldenrod for earrings. Apparently, it had something to do with whether she needed strength or luck for the day. And apparently she decided on both as she eventually exited wearing one of each with the result that her head looked rather lopsided.