Luna(tic) (Marauders Era)

41. A Little Bit Like Belonging

James took exactly one detour on their way to the Gryffindor common room and it was to poke his head into the Great Hall and shout over the quiet buzz of conversation from those early to dinner that Pandora had better hurry up because he had chocolate and an appetite and no, no one else was invited.

Luna's face was scarlet as she hovered just behind James, torn between letting Pandora see her so she'd know to please please come, and wanting to hide from the stares she was sure James was getting from the hall. She needn't have been quite so worried really, because when she dared glance around the place most people were simply rolling their eyes and returning to their conversations, apparently utterly unbothered and mostly unsurprised by this development.

This, Luna supposed, was fair. This was hardly the strangest thing James Potter had ever done and by now, chaotic moments that would have embarrassed anyone else seemed to simply be what everyone expected of him. Certainly, Pandora seemed about as far from shocked as possible. She simply stood and trotted over, making a point to roll her eyes in James's direction before reaching a hand out to Luna, who took it perhaps a touch eagerly and tucked herself against her friend in the place that had somehow become one of those precious safe spaces in her world. One of those precious pockets of the world where she somehow belonged.

"I'm assuming this means the talk went well?" Pandora prompted as the three of them headed towards the staircases in the Entrance Hall. "That or James has managed to bully you into an attempted bribery," she added, glancing down at Luna with a teasing little smile.

"I would never!" James protested.

"No, you really would," Pandora countered, not taking her eyes off Luna.

"Okay I really would, but I didn't," James corrected, furrowing his brow for a moment before turning his head away from the corridor to add, "Tell her Luna."

"You realize that doesn't help your case right?" Pandora asked, tossing a slight frown James's way.

"He didn't bully me," Luna put in before James could answer, "He invited me." She frowned then, thinking. "But it's definitely an attempted bribery," she decided.

James shrugged, hands spread open before him, his expression one of unconcerned admission. "What can I say," he defended, "I use the tools I have."

"Please tell me you also apologised," Pandora groaned.

"I did apologise," he assured her, "Multiple times, actually." He frowned. "And then I was momentarily an arse again, actually, but then I apologised for that too and decided to throw in some chocolate to potentially help my case." He nodded as though this summed up some great wisdom. "So now we're here."

Pandora snorted. "Of course you managed to dig the hole deeper," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "How bad was he?" she added, glancing down at Luna with a smile on her lips that didn't quite hide the concern in her eyes. Concern that asked for an honest answer.

And, really, Luna had to think about the honest answer. Because the first answer on her tongue was he was fine. But it was an answer born of habit and fear, not honesty. And the honest answer...

He's dead.

In some ways, having an excuse to say it out loud was a mercy. Because it put an end to the questions, gave a reason for the sensitivity, made it all fall neatly into place.

And yet...

And yet the look Sam had given her was a broken thing and the edges would hurt later, when she had to handle it. Had to touch it. Had to look Sam in the eyes and beg for a forgiveness she wasn't sure she deserved. But she also wasn't quite sure she didn't. Because yes, those two words would make her bleed, make her pay, make so many things so much worse but they would also make others so much better because God, what a perfect excuse for her madness. And yet, what a cruelty to her madness to make excuses.