Luna(tic) (Marauders Era)

38. Bones Like Glass

Remus's bones felt like glass. Not that this was unusual, especially not for the night after a full moon. What was unusual was that his heart did too. And that had a whole lot less to do with any phase of the moon and a whole lot more to do with the girl sitting perched on the very edge of his bed, like she was half a heartbeat from standing up and walking away.

But she wasn't standing up. And she wasn't walking away. At least not yet. Right now, all she was doing was staring at the floor with an expression that spoke volumes. An expression that was making Remus regret ever having brought up Sam. Not that he hadn't already regretted it. The moment he'd said the words he'd been wishing he hadn't.

Whoever Sam was to her and whatever capacity he held in her life, he was, at the end of the day, clearly a sensitive subject for Luna. And Remus shouldn't have pushed her. Shouldn't have spoken that curiosity out loud. But he had and here they were, with more questions hanging in the air between them than when they'd first started asking.

Remus's questions were many but at least half of them were about Sam. Who was he? Was he a werewolf too? Was he... alive? Because Luna had snapped when James had suggested he wasn't. She'd already been upset, already been angry, but that had been a tipping point. And yet just now, she had talked about Sam, not in the past tense, but like he was there. Like there was some reason, other than death, that kept him from speaking to Remus. Because she had said would like. Not would have liked. And it might only have been one word different but if felt like an important word.

And yet, she had not denied that he couldn't speak to Remus. That there was some impossible barrier there. Remus just didn't know what it was. And he wasn't going to ask. Actually, he had decided that he wasn't going to ask anything about Sam ever again because the look on her face... Well. Luna always looked a little lost, Remus thought, a little afraid, a little unsure, but she had looked petrified, caught in the kind of terror Remus had felt when she'd mentioned the scar. When she'd caught him in a lie. Remus didn't want to be the cause of that look ever again. It was the least he could do. A trade of sorts, a silent agreement not to ask the questions that left each other terrified.

Because she had terrified him. He hadn't thought the new scar was visible, half hidden as it was by his hair. And he certainly hadn't thought anyone would spend time looking for it, but Luna had caught it and caught it fast and Remus had been petrified. Because she couldn't know. No one could know. People were awful to monsters like him and Hogwarts, with this life and these friends... he couldn't lose that. So he couldn't tell a soul.

And yet, now, later, with the panic faded, Remus almost wondered if she already knew. Because this was not the first time she had commented on the scars. And every time, she spoke without judgement. Without the discomfort so many people had when they asked anything about the scars. Without the undertone of panic he had expected. In fact, Luna spoke about them every time, like the topic was familiar. Not that there was no fear, but rather that fear seemed less about the scars and more about his reaction to the mention of them. Like she was afraid he might blow up. Or afraid he might figure something out.

It made him feel like she herself had already figured plenty out.

But she never said anything. Never addressed it directly. And Dumbledore hadn't mentioned anything about anyone else being... well. It was a far fetched theory anyway and really, Remus supposed, he should just take her mercy as it was and leave it at that.

Which was why, instead of asking, instead of pressing, instead of poking a prodding at that strange thing in the air between them, Remus simply said, "I think lunch is starting soon."

Luna looked up at him, blinking several times as though to clear something from her sight. Then she frowned, evidently confused. "Oh, she murmured, still frowning. Then, "Are you hungry? Would you like me to bring you something?" she asked, tipping her head and looking rather like she was trying to riddle out why on Earth he would have brought up lunch.