Luna(tic) (Marauders Era)

42. Creases in Velvet

They skipped dinner that night. Which was, in Luna's considered opinion, more mad than anything else she had ever done. Never before in her life had Luna skipped a dinner that had been available to her. Of course, that didn't mean she'd never skipped dinner. She had, though admittedly not often. Dinner was one of those meals they always seemed to find something for, even if the something was a little sad and a little disappointing because something was always better than nothing. And yet still, during the worst times, they'd gone to bed hungry, and Luna had learned to be grateful when sleep came because it was difficult to come by when her stomach was an aching, hollow thing.

But this? Skipping dinner voluntarily? When there were plates and platters mounded with food in a hall they walked right past? Yes, that was mad. But Luna also wasn't hungry. She was stuffed full of chocolate and Pandora's little groan as the aromas of dinner drifted out to them was rather relatable.

It wasn't that feeling full was such an anomaly anymore. Even at home over break, Luna had gone to bed without the pangs in her stomach that she had learned to get used to in her childhood. And at the castle, certainly, she rarely went hungry. The only times she'd skipped dinner had been the most recent full moon and even then, Luna's head had been so stuffed full of things she hadn't wanted to think that somehow, hungry had never made it far enough past a slight ache in her stomach to register as what it was in her head.

Tonight however, it wasn't just her stomach that was full. It was her heart. And something else, something deeper in her chest, something she had hardly noticed had been empty until now, walking up the shifting staircases, curled close to Pandora, thinking back over a night of laughter and smiles, she realized that it was full to bursting. And somehow, even without a name to put to that newly filled place, the sensation of it as anything but hollow felt a little mad too. Or maybe, Luna thought as they reached the eagle door knocker, maybe it was less mad and more just the kind of normal Luna had never known before.

The thought made her smile. Less because it was a particularly happy thought and more because the idea of herself as anything like normal seemed silly. Laughable. And yet... and yet tonight she had been normal. She'd been casual and calm and happy and normal. And that was the truly mad thing. But it was also perhaps the best thing Luna had ever had. So she would take this brand of madness and tuck it close to her soul and cherish it the way she had never cherished all the other madnesses she had known.

And those other madnesses were waiting for her still. No single night of a normal girl's life with a normal girl's joy could erase the simple reality that Luna was not a normal girl. She came with strings. With baggage. With a ghost who was waiting for her by her bed.

Luna's feet stumbled on the threshold at the sight of him. Her fingers stuttered in their grip on Pandora's arm. But she didn't let go. She didn't stop walking. She didn't let herself be anything but normal because she was not going to ruin this night. Not going to break the spell. Not yet. Not until everyone else was nice and sound asleep and thinking she was having a wonderful day instead of wondering why she had disappeared. Because she had to disappear. Because she had seen the look in Sam's eyes as she'd left that room with James. Because she saw that look now. A look like grief. A look like losing things. A look like he wanted to beg her to rewind time and take back words she couldn't unsay.

Of course, it was Sam. And Sam didn't beg. Sam didn't say a word. Not as Luna entered the room. Not as she pretended he wasn't there. Not as she readied herself for bed and added the occasional comment to Pandora's retelling of their evening - complete with extra chocolate frogs she had grabbed to share with Kendra. He didn't even speak when she slid under the covers, careful to avoid bumping him, and blew out the candle on her bedside table.

He just looked at her. The whole time. Through every movement. Like he was waiting. Counting the seconds until she did something. Said something. Broke the spell.