Luna(tic) (Marauders Era)

24. Like Counting the Stars in the Sky

Walking down the corridor, holding Pandora's hand and trying very hard not to seem too childish even as she clung to it with something like mild desperation, Luna couldn't help but feel a hesitant sort of smile pulling at her face. Hesitant, because this was strange. And because no matter what James said or how much Pandora and Remus liked him and seemed to have forgiven him, Luna's own memory could not be erased by something as simple as others' more positive judgement. Even if those others were people she counted as... friends.

Luna glanced sideways to where Remus was walking in Sam's usual spot on her left. Yes, she thought. Friends. Even if the word still sometimes felt foreign on her tongue. But Pandora was her friend. And Remus could be too. Because... well because as silly as it sounded in her head, if someone was on her side, that made them her friend... right?

Luna sighed slightly. She wasn't sure. The last time she'd thought she'd had friends, they most certainly hadn't been on her side, but the more time she spent with Pandora the more she was starting to think those children she had grown up with hadn't been particularly wonderful friends to begin with. Or at least, nothing near as nice as Pandora was.

Thoughts of the other girl brought Luna's gaze back to her housemate, something tightening in her chest as she looked. Pandora had an unconscious kind of smile on her face right now as she listened to Sirius narrating the tale of how he'd discovered the passage they were apparently headed towards. The whole thing was done with what Luna judged to be rather a lot of dramatic hand motions, but the story was punctuated by enough laughs and that unthinking mirth on Pandora's face that she wasn't so much as tempted to comment.

Anything that brought smiles to Pandora's face had to be a good thing, as far as Luna was concerned. And she especially liked that particular smile on her friend. It was an easy sort of smile. The kind Luna didn't think she herself had ever managed. The sort that made it seem like happy was Pandora's default. Like when left alone, she just... smiled. And though the thought sometimes sparked jealousy in Luna's pitiful little heart, usually it just made her smile too. Because that grin might not have been anything Pandora thought about, but conscious or not, it was infectious. Most of Pandora's joy was infectious. And she seemed to find it in all sorts of strange, small places.

It was one of many reasons Luna loved her friend. And Merlin, there were many. So many that the attempt Luna had once made to count them all had been like counting the stars in the sky and she'd given up and settled for a simple realization: counting the things she loved about Pandora was like counting kindnesses. Like naming blessings. Like numbering heartbeats. It might have been possible, but it was hard. And it was easier, at the end of the day, to just realize that each one was a joy. Each one was a gift. And not one Luna was ever convinced she deserved.

Which was the other realization she had come to: she was lucky to have found someone like Pandora. She didn't need anyone to tell her that much. She knew it. In her heart and her soul and all the deep places it counted. She felt it in bones. In her breath. In every time Pandora linked their arms together, or laced their fingers, like she knew, somehow, that Luna craved the assurance that came with the touch. The physical affection. The steady, solid, concrete something she could point to that said that it wasn't all in her head. That said this was a friendship with a steady, solid, real girl with a steady, solid, real life. That said she wasn't making this up. She wasn't dreaming. This one wasn't madness.

Not that Luna would have much minded even if Pandora had turned out to just be another ghost. Because Pandora was... well. Different. It wasn't just the strange earrings and the eclectic collection of apparently random objects on her bedside table that she said she was studying "for science". It wasn't just the boldness, or the daring or that intangible something that made Pandora seem to shine so much brighter than all the rest of the world. It was that Pandora seemed to almost, just a little bit, kind of... understand.