The World She Saw | Attack on Titan x Reader Fanfiction |

New perception: The Survey Corps (5)

~Your PoV~

A few days have passed since your failed mission, but despite everything, you can't say that you feel better. You felt weak and powerless.

That's why you spent every free minute on the training ground. This was the only way you could forget your bad feeling for a short moment. Of course, this did not go unnoticed by your comrades.

"Is she out there again?", Eld asked Gunther, who was watching you from the window.

"Yes." he confirms, "First she did strength exercises for half an hour and now she's been busy practicing with the 3D maneuvering gear for two hours."

"But hasn't it been raining for a while?", Petra says, " Don't you think we'd better talk to her?"

"I've already tried that, but she won't budge...", Gunther replies.

°•°•°•◇•°•°•°

You swing through the trees before giving the dummy titan a solid blow to the back of the neck with your swords. You land and inspect your performance. Again, the cut wasn't deep enough; on the contrary, it was even worse than your previous attempts.

Rationally, you knew that even with this cut you would have most likely slain a Titan, but you couldn't help but wonder if you were good enough after all. What if the cuts weren't deep enough? What if you weren't fast enough after all?

What if you lose your composure again?

Even days later, you couldn't get this nightmare and your related failure out of your head. The nights plagued you even more than usual, and the day was just as agonizing.

You had to get better so that something like what happened during the trapping mission would never happen again.

You have been on the training ground for a long time. Even when it started to rain, you didn't go. Your clothes were wet and stuck to your skin. The cold went right to your bones. But you didn't let that affect you. You just wanted - no, you had to - keep going. That's the only way you can forgive yourself for your mistake someday.

You're about to launch yourself into the air with the 3D maneuver when you hear footsteps coming towards you, followed by a hey.

When you turned around, there was none other than the corporal standing there. "Hey, what are you doing out here this whole time?"

You hesitate a bit before answering. "I'm just training..."

"Tch... It's good to get stronger, but do you want my advice? Strengthen your bond with the other scouts. Cooperation is the main element to success. No one can survive out there alone for long."

Of course, you knew that a group was much more useful than trying to fight alone.

By being able to rationally assess your comrades, it wasn't hard for you to recommend tasks they could accomplish best. But when it came down to it, you preferred to do everything yourself, so you wouldn't lose control. 

Purely rationally, of course, you knew that no one can do everything alone and you also knew that Petra and the others were strong and reliable, but you found it hard to trust others and rely on them to do their part of the job. In the back of your mind, you always had this thought that it was better if you just handled things yourself.

You get along well with your comrades, of course. Everyone has been kind to you and they support you, but you can't really say that you've opened up to them and could trust them one hundred percent with your life.

"Now go inside and change your clothes. You're all covered in mud." the corporal says with a somewhat disgusted look on his face before he leaves.