The World She Saw | Attack on Titan x Reader Fanfiction |

Hatred: The Survey Corps (4)

~Your PoV~

You didn't know what you were getting yourself into. You only realized how dangerous the whole thing really was when you forced your way through the ranks of the Titans to reach Eren.

He was still beating down the Titans near him. He just didn't seem to get tired.

You kill the last Titan that got in the way before landing shakily on Eren's shoulder. You hold onto a strand of his hair to prevent yourself from falling off. "Eren! You need to get back to the Wall, do you hear me?! If you keep this up, we're all going to die soon! Come on, stop it already!"

Of course, it wasn't long before you were interrupted by a Titan trying to grab you. Not as nimble as usual, you dodge it. You shoot an anchor into the Titan's neck. With a thrust, you pull yourself towards it, before lunging with your swords to strike, cutting out its neck as you usually do, thus killing it. But after your attack, it was not dead. You had no strength left in your arms, which is why you didn't manage to cut deep enough.

This had never happened to you before. No matter how exhausted you were from a fight, you always managed to kill a Titan in one go. Were you really at the end of your rope? That can't be happening now, you think to yourself.

Slowly, you also feel how your legs begin to weaken. It certainly will not be long before you can no longer hold yourself in the air. But it was no wonder, you thought to yourself. You've been involved in the battle with the Titans for far too long. Almost all the other scouts were already at the end of their strength, so it was no wonder that you would feel the same way a short time later.

So after all those hardships, that was how you were going to die? You wouldn't last much longer. You couldn't even manage to defeat a Titan anymore.

Once again, you just barely manage to dodge a Titan's hand. At that moment, Eren's eyes met yours. This time you were sure he was looking at you. Suddenly he stopped. He didn't move and he didn't fight the Titans anymore either. It was as if he had woken up from his trance and was now wondering what he was doing here.

"Eren, you have to go back to the Wall!" you shouted to him. You had the feeling that now your words would reach him. And they did. After a moment's hesitation, he finally nodded and made his way back.

"(Y/n)! Come on, get behind the Wall!" Hanji calls out to you.

You see all the other scouts follow Eren and start their retreat. You gather your last reserves of strength and follow them.

You arrive on the Wall by the skin of your teeth. This time it had been really dicey for you. By a hair's breadth, you escaped death.

Of course, the first question on everyone's mind was why Eren had turned at all, but to everyone's dismay, he couldn't remember anything about the time he was turned into a Titan. Just like the last time. He had forgotten everything, too.

Hanji also did not get to the bottom of the mystery surrounding Eren's powers. Under what circumstances he could transform, she had no idea either.

"When I saw (Y/n) almost get eaten, I couldn't just watch... I wanted to fight too...", Eren suddenly says.

Your eyes widen before you look to the side in shame. So it was really your fault? Only because you were careless and not focused on the task at hand.

You were unbelievably ashamed. Not only had you endangered the hope of mankind, but you had also endangered the lives of many scouts. And all because you couldn't keep a clear head.

You would surely have died today if your comrades had not been there in time. At that time, you really thought that maybe it was better to just let it happen. If you had just acted right away, then maybe it would never have come to this. "I'm sorry. I lost control for a moment..."

"Oh hey, (Y/n), don't make such a long face. Everyone falters sometimes when fighting the Titans. Don't blame yourself for something you can't do anything about," Hanji says to you, "Besides, today's incident has provided valuable knowledge for our research!"

Even despite Hanji's words, you could not overcome the feeling of remorse.

Your work here was done and it was time for you to go back to headquarters. Staying here any longer would be useless. For Hanji, it was already clear that you would attempt another capturing mission.

Your comrades went ahead while you trailed behind.

"(Y/n), are you all right? I'm always willing to help if you need me," Eren says with a worried look.

"Thanks, but I'm fine," you reply curtly. You didn't feel like having this conversation right now.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I am. Besides, you'd certainly be the last person on my list I'd want to talk to about it."

"But-"

"Good afternoon, Eren," you say before turning your back on him and following the others.

You know very well, that your behavior was unnecessary and anything but appropriate. But you couldn't help it. You were so angry at yourself. And facing Eren didn't make it any better. It only made you more aware of your mistakes.

How could a simple nightmare throw you off track like that? You don't recognize yourself. But even now, despite everything, the nightmare was as present as before. The all-devouring flames just wouldn't leave your mind. You hated it. What did it all mean? You just can't make sense of it. All you know is that you endangered today's mission by your incompetence.

You just hate it...

5th December 2021