His Words (bxb)

chapter forty

Friday, February 12, 2021 - a month and a half later

✧noah✧

"Noah!" I hear Mom call from downstairs. "Are you ready? We're leaving in five minutes."

"Almost done," I shout back as I continue texting on my phone. I sigh heavily and set my phone aside once I have set a time and date for my Grindr hookup - the third one this week.

A second later, I find myself checking my phone again for a text from someone I haven't spoken to in months. It's my birthday. He's going to text me.

I suppose a life update is expected.

After confessing his undying love to me, Elijah proceeded to completely delete me from his life. Ironic, isn't it? Makes you question the genuineness of everything and everyone around you. I haven't seen him with anyone else yet, so I suppose that's a good thing. If only he knew about the countless naked bodies I've become familiar with in the short period of time we've been apart.

I guess that's something else I need to address. I want to feel something. Empty, emotionless sex is definitely a step up from abusing my scarred wrists at every minor inconvenience - a habit I still can't shake. It's better than drugs and alcohol, too - the two things I can't mix with my medication. It started as genuinely wanting to find someone to replace Elijah with (harsh, I know) and quickly turned into just looking for meaningless hookups. Have there been a few times where I found myself in terrifying and triggering situations? Yes - quite a lot actually. I've come to accept it as the price I pay for what I choose to do.

I'm still taking my meds and eating properly; there's no way around it with parents like Charlotte and Ava. The one thing I can't seem to shake is this nasty habit of rolling up my sleeves and staining my skin red every few days when the sex just isn't scratching that itch in my brain that begs for relief. It's whatever. No one's found out yet and I plan to keep it that way.

Ella went back to Toronto for the winter semester. Speaking of college, Mason was accepted into an art school in Toronto whereas Jackie was accepted into Guelph and myself into Waterloo. The distance is difficult, but we'll make it work.

I've decided university is going to be fun. I'll finally be away from the one place linked with all my trauma and have a fresh start in a new city with new people. It's going to be great.

"Noah Cohen! I swear on all that is holy, if you are not downstairs within the next minute, no one is leaving this house!"

I groan checking my phone again. Nothing. Whatever. I don't care anyways.

"I'm coming!" I say as I put my phone in my pocket and start heading downstairs.

"There you are!" Mama greets me once I'm downstairs and putting my shoes on. "We can't be late, Noah, we've got a reservation."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Alright, let's go," Mom says as she swings the front door open, allowing the cold winter air into the house.

As we near the restaurant, a strange tension fills the car. From the back seat, I catch my parents glancing at each other occasionally and providing each other with warm smiles. Weird. Maybe they're just in a romantic mood, considering we're going to a fancy restaurant and all.