Howl to the Moon (Haikyuu Omegaverse)

Chapter 35: Mission failure

RECOMMENDED SONG: BAD BY ROYAL DELUXE

*One month later.*

With a heavy feeling in his chest and a tight knot in the center of it, Kuroo looked sadly around the room in the house where so much happened over the past few months. The room where he acknowledged his feelings, the room in which he spent countless nights with Oikawa, the room in which Oikawa became his and he became Oikawa's. The room in the house that had become his home but now seemed cold and dreary without the scent of dark chocolate and peppermint. The sun was creeping shyly through the window, but nothing seemed warm to him anymore without Oikawa by his side. Everything had lost its meaning, Kuroo himself couldn't find a reason to continue. What did everything else matter when the love of his life had left his side?

The last month had been the worst of his life. Bokuto told him about his loss of control, explained him how he had become his father, and Kuroo had only cried for hours upon hearing him. They honored the dead of the battle, but Kuroo hadn't been there because he was beside himself, maddened, and calling out Oikawa's name over and over again. Kuroo didn't remember any of that, hearing Bokuto talk about him was like hearing him talk about a stranger. For Kuroo, many of the days in that last month were just mental blackouts, but despite his lack of memory, the feeling of incompleteness, agonizing pain, hopelessness, and shortness of breath was a difficult feeling to erase. Despair was now part of his bones. His few lucid moments over the past month were dominated by the memory of Oikawa dying in his arms, blood gushing from the alpha's chest as Kuroo watched the light fade in his red eyes. He'd relived that moment a hundred times, but the pain didn't seem to subside. It was as if his heart refused to forget everything that had happened, as if every inch of his skin wanted to relive the fateful moment in order to keep the memory of Oikawa fresh in his brain.

The mark on his shoulder had almost faded. The fangs were but a slight darkened patch of skin, a healed wound unlike his broken soul. When he looked in the mirror, his chest ached: it was as if Oikawa had never bitten him; as if he had never existed. There were no more traces of Oikawa with him except for the depressed state that Kuroo found himself in since his alpha left for the afterlife.

Keep something to help me remember, would admit that I can forget you, Kuroo thought silently. But still... I would still give anything to have something of yours with me, Tooru. I'd give anything to have you with me.

Kuroo wiped away the tear dangling from the edge of his lashes and looked around again. He had collected most of his belongings. There were not many, just clothes, the toothbrush and little else. Everything was tucked into the bag that rested at his feet. He only had to pick up the underwear from the nightstand, so he knelt on the floor and opened the drawer. He took out each garment and put them one by one in the bag, delaying the moment when he would really have to say goodbye. But soon the drawer was empty and he had no more excuses. Then sunlight spilled over the back of the drawer and a flash of white crossed his face.

Kuroo frowned and fumbled in the drawer until his fingers fished for something cold in the depths. He didn't know what it was at first, but when he reached out and opened his hand, his eyes filled with tears.

Oikawa's pendant that he had failed to return.

Both he and Oikawa had had too much on their minds to remember the pendant, so he never had the chance to give it to Oikawa again. Kuroo fixed the broken link long ago, so that the pendant was in perfect condition again... only it was not with its original owner. It was with him now, as if Oikawa had heard his thoughts and sent him a memory just for him.

Kuroo hung the pendant around his neck and immediately kissed the cold metal. Perhaps he expected to find the warmth of Oikawa's lips in it, but all he found was loneliness. The small jewel felt like an extra weight on his heart, like a reminder that Oikawa was gone forever and would not return to his side. And just like that, kneeling as if he had been defeated —and maybe he was—, with the pendant still on his lips and the feeling of emptiness that would never leave him in his chest, Kuroo allowed himself to cry once more.