The Wrong direction (one direction Fan Fic)

chapter 3

Hello again!  OK, so I know that these first few chapters have been depressing, but it gets happier!  I promise!  Anyway, here's the next chapter!

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      This was it.  I couldn't risk the other boys knowing about my problems.  I silently walked over to the door and turned the handle.  This was my fate.

   I slowly opened the door to let him in. 

   'I'm going to regret this' I think to myself.  Then, I let him enter.

   The second he steps inside, he hugs me.  It's not just a friendly hug, but one that you give someone just before they are going to leave you.  Did Louis think that I was going to die?  That I was going to kill myself?

   He shuts the door, but still doesn't let me out of his grasp.  It's almost as if he's afraid to let go; like if he lets go, he lose me forever.  Does he really care about me that much?  I have a strong urge to talk to him about me; about all of this, but I decide to keep my mouth shut.  If he wants to know, he can ask.

   We just stay like that for the longest time; warming in each others embrace, not saying anything.  The only audible noise is the sound of our breathing and the boys in the other room.  After a little while, though,  Louis pulls out of the hug.  In the dim light I can see his face.  It reminds me of earlier today when he first saw my stomach earlier in the day.  His eyes had been filled with so much pain, pain that I caused.  It made me want to cry.

I didn't cry, though.  I looked up at him and asked him a question.  "Why did you come here, Louis?"  My voice cracked when I said his name. 

Louis noticed and stroked my back.  "I was worried that you had been gone for so long."  Louis replied.  "I mean...after what happened back in the dressing room...."  He looked at my stomach.  I felt like his eyes could see through my shirt. 

I gulped and nodded.  Louis continued talking.  "When I reached the bathroom door, I heard noises that could only be made if some...was..um...you know, throwing up."  I felt the air thicken.  How did I get in this position?  How did my life get so out of control?

   I didn't realize that I actually was crying until Louis reached up, and wiped my face with the back of his hand.  Then he whispered, "Shh..It's gonna be OK Harry." Next, he tightened me in his grip, and in my ear almost undeniably said, "No matter what, I'm here for you."

  With that, my heart broke.  I felt something that I never felt before.  I don't know what it was, or how to explain it.  It was as if someone actually cared for me.  That someone had finally seen the true me.  I was bare, naked, and exposed in front of him, but yet he didn't flinch way.  The way he said that he would always be there for me made me believe that he would still care about me, no matter how far I pushed him away.

    I don't know how long we sat there.  It seemed like it had been hours, but I didn't want him to leave; not now, not tomorrow, not ever.  

   By the time that my tears had subsided and I finally felt enough strength to lift my head,   Louis' blue stripped shirt was soaked.  I silently cursed myself for being so weak in front of him.  I had cried to myself to sleep before- that was nothing new- but being so exposed in front of someone else was a different story.  It made me feel weak, and being weak was exactly what I was running from. This is why I never open up to people.  I don't want to be seen as the pathetic, pop star singer who can't control his own life.  What if this little 'incident' with Louis got public?

     I shook the thought out of my head, and began to stand up.  Louis stood up with me.

    His eyes looked puzzled as I began to reach for the door.  "Where are you going?" He asked questionably. 

     I looked at my hands, avoiding all eye contact.  Where was I going? I had no one to turn to.  Management hated me for always screwing up their plans.  The boys hated me for screwing up their careers.  My family hated me for leaving them.  Hell, I even hate myself.

I let out a silent sigh.  "I honestly have no idea."  I whispered. 

   Louis walked towards me and grabbed my hand.  "Exactly,"

   He tilted my head foreword so I was looking at him straight in the eyes. "And that's why I'm going to help you."

  I tried to speak, but he continued to talk.  "Harry, I know that something happened to you when we went to America.  You started acting really strange after we got back.  And, I just want you to know your not alone.  I will help you, and you will get through this."

  He gestured to my stomach and I knew exactly what he meant; he wanted to help me with my eating disorder; with the cutting.  He wanted me to get better.  The question was, did I want to get better?

   People say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  I admit I have an eating disorder.  I admit that I am addicted to hurting myself.  But, the truth is that's as far as I want my recovery to go.  I don't want to get fat again...I don't want to have feel again.

  I just nodded at Louis. For the first time I was speechless. 

   I didn't think that anyone would want to help me through this.  I've done it to myself.  There's no one else to blame......well actually that's a lie.  Every single thing that I have done to harm myself can be traced back to what happened in America those few months ago.  That's where it all started.

  People talk about the United States as the land of opportunity.  The land of new beginnings.  To me, it's the land where I lost what meant the most to me. 

  I shook the memories out of my head.  No way was I going to relive what happened to me.  No matter how nice Louis is to me, or what he does to try to get me to tell him what happened, I won't.  I made the mistake and I will suffer in the shame alone.

  I opened the door once again.  I was ready to finish the night off.  I would lie through my teeth and pretend that I was OK.  I would laugh loudly so I wouldn't look depressed.  I would pretend that Louis' words had had no effect on me tonight, even though they change all of my thoughts.  I would pretend that what happened in America had never happened. 

   Funny how things never go as planned, eh?

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OK so I know this chapter  sucked!  Ugh oh well.  I have a great new idea for what is going to happen! 

do you guys want to know what happened to Harry in America to make him such an emotional wreck?  Though so.  Next chapter things are revealed! 

 Also, I need a book cover.  Anyone want to do one?

and that was the end of most of the emotional fluff.  Next chapter we get into the good stuff :P  I know that Harry's been really depressing, and I'm sorry if reading this is depressing you, but it DOES get better.  In the end it will be super happy :)

 soooooo hope you enjoyed it :)  Tell me what you think so far.  Vote and comment below.