Marked

Chapter 30: A Fight

I was looking forward to dinner because, food. But I also wasn't because, awkward.

Kaden was definitely making more of an effort but I didn't know what to expect from Xander. He was the overprotective older brother and despite our making up, I knew he still had intense hang-ups. However, he did seem to soften a bit last night when Kane revealed part of his past last night. I was hoping some of that would carry over today.

That wasn't even my only big battle. The other was my mom. I'd been avoiding her long enough and that wasn't helping the situation. So I sent the Blood Moon boys to the guest house, telling them to come to the pack house at seven for dinner, and I went to my mom's. Except she wasn't there so I went back to the pack house and then I could smell her.

Xander had offered her a place in the pack-house about a million times since she insisted on cooking and cleaning for us. Xander never asked her to do that, he would never ask her to do that. Kaden actually liked and was good at cooking. But Xander let her because he understood she needed it. She needed something to do, a role to play. Losing my dad shattered her and she was too old and inexperienced to be a warrior or to run patrols. She didn't want to be useless and Xander didn't want her to feel useless so he gave her all access to the pack house and put her in charge of cooking for us and helping with the orphans we took in.

Having this conversation wasn't going to be easy but I needed to stop being a coward and talk to her. The truth was, her and I weren't as close as we used to be. It wasn't that she was a bad mom exactly, but she changed a lot when my dad died. She tried, she did. But losing him just broke her and she was never the same. The only time she really smiled was when she told stories about him, and then she'd get sad all over again. I was resentful of her not pulling through for me when I was younger, for making feel like I was easy to abandon and push aside, but I'd gotten over that. I wasn't mad at her anymore, we just weren't as close. It was hard to be close after that. It was during the first few years after dad died I really got close to Xander and Kaden. Especially Xander. Kaden was in and out of the pack-house a lot with his weird family situation but Xander was a constant for me.

Xander's parents saw my mom was struggling after losing my dad and so they helped take care of me, raise me, train me. For those first few years, I spent the night in the pack-house more than I did in my own house and when I was in my own house, it was torture. I remember crying a lot back then because I felt like my mom didn't love me, like she didn't want me. I didn't understand it wasn't that she didn't love me, it was that she was heartbroken. It was during that time Xander became like a brother to me.

Xander was a natural Alpha even at a young age. Not because of his strength or because of anything traditionally associated with Alphas but because he cares like no other. He spent several nights holding me while I cried myself to sleep. He helped me through the hardest moments in my life and that was why I was loyal to him. Because he was loyal to me, because he believed in me, because he encouraged me when I needed it the most. Because he loves when he needs to, and pushes when he needs to. That's what made him a great leader. Hard when he had to be, soft when he needed to be. Him saying he was undeserving of me as a Gamma was straight up bullshit because he deserved loyalty more than anyone else I knew.

Getting Xander okay with Kane would be the biggest challenge but mom was the second biggest. Addie could talk Xander down and make him see reason, but there wasn't anyone to talk mom down. I stood on the porch for a while just staring at the door and trying to think of what to say, but then she opened the door and gave me the 'what are you doing?' look.

"Did I travel back in time?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "Are you showing up for lunch two days ago?"

"I already apologized for that," I pointed out. "But I am sorry. Things happened."