Fading

~F o r t y - n i n e~

Amara POV

Was it normal for my mind to be this quiet? Not a single thought had appeared in my head since I woke up an hour ago. It was honestly starting to worry me.

Dad and Greyson had left to go to work this morning and I was left with Hudson, who was currently making me breakfast as I sat watching him.

"So I got to thinking," he started. "Would you like us to ask your school if you could finish out the year online?" he asked, looking to me as he stirred the eggs.

I was a little surprised by the question. I hadn't even thought of school since I had started living with them. I guess with everything going on it had completely slipped my mind. I was supposed to finish my senior year and graduate. I suppose I only had a couple of weeks left anyways.

"Yeah" I replied, pulling on the loose string of my sweater. "Do I have to go to graduation?" I asked, hoping he'd say no.

"If you don't want to, then I suppose not. We can get them to send your diploma when you're done. Have you thought about what you want to do after high school?" he asked curiously, putting the food on two plates.

I had thought of it. I wanted to take a gap year to experience more of life. I was tired of being stuck at home with nothing but school work to do. But the real question was if they would allow that. Did they want me to go to college and get a degree? Would they think I'm lazy if I want to take a gap year? Were they expecting me to get a job to stay with them? So many thoughts were tumbling around in my head that I missed the silence.

"Talk to me honey. If you think we will be upset with your answer than I can assure you now that is not going to be the case." Hudson reassured, making me lock eyes with him. He had a gentle smile on his face and for the first time, I found myself taking comfort in it.

"I think I eventually...um...want to go to college, but I...I think I want to take a gap year?" I sputtered out, disappointed that I had begun stuttering again. I had been doing so good lately, but I guess anxiety never truly goes away.

"I think that would be a great idea. I think it would be a good idea to give yourself some time to adjust with everything, especially us. I know that we will all fully support that" he said, a bright smile on his face.

"You would?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded. "I think you need some time to be a kid. Some time with no responsibilities and a good environment would do you a lot of good.

His words made me want to cry. I swallowed back my emotions and asked what I desperately needed to know.

"Do...do you want me to get a job?" my words were soft and I have no doubt he could see the vulnerability on my face. I avoided his face, worried about the answer. Would they want me to pay them back for all of this time?

"Not if you don't want to. It might get kind of boring to be here alone sometimes but we will do our best to have someone home with you if that's something you would like" he answered, seemingly understanding my concern.

He hesitated to say his next words, "And maybe, we can work up to having you come to work with us to hang out. Our nurses love having kids to talk to and I'm sure it would help to see us do our jobs more often."

I stayed quiet. Would it help? To see them help other kids?

"I...I don't know Hudson....I can't handle much right now..." I trailed off, assuming he'd get the hint.

"I know, and I'm not saying that has to happen right now, but it might be a good idea to work up to that in the future" he said reassuringly, sliding a plate full of food towards me.

I nodded. I'd think about it, but that would be as far as that would go.

I started to eat my pancakes.

"I have no plans for the day. Any ideas? Your dad and Greyson don't get home until later and I figured it'd be a lazy day, what do you think?" He asked abruptly.

I thought about it. Id rather not stay inside, and I've been missing my coffee shop that I go to on lunch breaks sometimes. I don't think Hudson would want to go with me though. That was a dumb idea anyways.

"Talk to me, what are you thinking? Is there something you can think of? I'll do anything you want to today" he said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"I...well there's this coffee shop that I really like downtown. We could go?" I asked hesitantly. It was stupid and I doubted he wanted to go.

"We sure can. Why don't you finish your breakfast and get some different clothes on and we can go. How does that sound?"

I grinned up at him. "Perfect".

.

.

.

"When did you find this place?" Hudson asked, sipping his black coffee. Why anyone would get black coffee was beyond me, but I kept my mouth shut nonetheless.

"I...may have...well...walked out of school during lunch and stumbled upon this place. I needed a break and this was just sitting here and it was so peaceful" I explained in-between sips of my latte. "It became more of a safe haven that was quiet" I said timidly, expecting judgement.

"That's really awesome Amara. I'm happy you were able to find a place you felt safe in."

"You're not mad that I skipped some of my afternoon classes?" I asked, confused.

"Not particularly. You are a good student and I trust your judgment. If you needed a break then I am going to trust that it was important. If there is something you want to talk about then I'm here, but otherwise I'm not too concerned" he explained, making me feel better, as always.

"I...I just needed a break. That's all" I didn't want to explain what happened during school, it would only make me feel worse.

"Okay. I'm always here if you want to talk about it" he said calmly, drinking his coffee slowly.

I nodded. A question had been bugging me since the very beginning and it seemed like a good time to bring it up.

"Hey Hudson?"

"What's up?"

"Why did you and my dad decide to adopt me? Why not an easier kid?" I asked curiously. My dad has made it clear to me that he loves me, but I still don't know why I was picked.

"Well..." he started.

So sorry but I had to cut the chapter off!

Btw- who likes the new cover??

See you next time loves!