[Completed✔] Born and raised in Tulsa, Jade Phelan reminisces her youth with a group of dealers who attempt to make a better life for themselves and the yearning she felt for one of them.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
April 29th, 1989. 7:02 A.M
Come morning, I decided to head off to school earlier than usual. It would give me a chance to clear my head and avoid the breakfast table. I strolled the few blocks, tucking my hands into the jacket pockets, as frost nipped at my face. The forecast called for freezing cold mornings, right up until lunch time for the rest of the week.
I climbed the bleachers to where Brian was. I asked him to meet me there this morning. He stared out at the lawnmower circling the field and creating the smell of freshly cut blades of grass.
I almost slipped on the dampened stands, as I sat next to him. Brian didn't like being back at his old high school. He only spent junior and senior year here, having moved from the sunny side coast of California with his parents a few years back.
"It was bound to happen." he said, cuffing his hands together and blowing in them for warmth. We spoke of Darry and the letter.
I breathed, allowing the cold air to billow from my mouth, "I know. I just didn't think it would happen this soon."
Brian changes the subject, "What's going on with you and Dallas?"
I blinked at him, wondering how he could've figured that out, "Has he said something?"
He shook his head, "You know Dallas. He doesn't speak his emotions." he grinned, "I noticed you haven't been speaking to much of anyone lately. Not even him."
I sighed at Brian, "Something went down. It's nothing, really. I just don't want to speak about it."
"You two are two of the same." chuckled Brian.
Dallas and his words scraped through my brain. Just friends, he told me. I felt scourged by him. Humiliated that I had given him something important and showed him my vulnerable side.
"Do you have sex?" I asked, surprising him with that question. I even surprised myself as well. His eyes widened as he was taken back. We haven't dove that deep before.
"Where is this coming from?" he wondered, pondering what I had asked him.
I shrugged my shoulders as if it was nothing, "Just a question, Brian."
A smile sprawled upon his lips. I looked at him, wanting him to lead on from my question, "So, do you?"
He answers softly, "Sometimes."
April 29th, 1989. 2:17 P.M
I survived through the school day without much thought about academics. My mind was somewhere else. Between the drama with Dallas and my crumbling home life, quantum physics just didn't seem so important anymore.
After lunch my name is called over the speakers to go to the office. I wondered what it could be about. My immediate thought was work. Maybe Dallas got caught or the school found out about my little side business.
I packed my books up, grabbed a hall pass and walked down to the office, where I saw Darry was waiting. He stands up as I approach him. "Is something wrong?" I asked, worried, "Did something happen to Soda or Ponyboy?"
"No. I thought you would want to go get some ice cream." he shrugged. It was odd to see him so uncomfortable. It was so unlike him to take me out of school. I guess desperate times called for desperate measures.
I signed out then followed him to the parking lot and his rusty truck. He gets in and so do I. This was the closest we had been in months.
He held onto the padded steering wheel with a firm grip. His knuckles turned white, but he didn't start the engine. He was staring straight ahead.
We used to revel in the loud house whenever the boys were over. Both having in common that we liked it better when quiet, but now I prayed for sound, anything to break the awkward tension between us.
Darry clears his throat, but doesn't say anything. I knew he wanted so much too. He just couldn't think of the words. I wanted him to say anything and everything all at once.
After a long beat, he starts the truck up and rolls out of the car space. He drives down unfamiliar streets until he decides it's time to speak.
"Do you remember when you were five..." he coughed, trying to think of the right words, "...I set up a paint station in the kitchen and you loved it until your dad came over, you showed him your artwork. He ripped it. You started to cry as he took you back home. So, I stayed up all night trying to glue it back together. I presented it to you the next afternoon. You couldn't believe someone had done that for you."
I nodded as the memories came back to me. The good and the bad ones.
"Or when you were eleven. You came to live with us, just before my parents died. All your friends were being mean, you came home crying. I hugged you and we went window shopping until you felt better." he continued.
I nodded again, understanding where he was coming from. I never took the time to think about how he felt.
"Or the time we went to the pumpkin patch. On the way home you fell asleep in the truck, so I carried you inside. That is why I can't love you in the way you love me."
The last part was a hard pill to swallow.
"And that's why I love Kate. I might feel the way you feel about me, about Kate. I wouldn't want to bring her into our house, without you being on board."
It was as if I could physically feel my heart snapping in half like a twig. I clutched my chest from the pain. I even squint my eyes. I had to dig deep. I had to realise where he was coming from. I couldn't let my emotions get the best of me again.
It took a bit of silence before I spoke. I tried once, but the words didn't come out. By the second try I could talk, "I've been harsh on her." I admitted, "I just want you to be happy."
