The Denial Of Death

Chapter 15

5th April 2020

"It's been two days.. I haven't heard him crying" Suhani said.

"Me too. I haven't seen him. I don't understand exactly.. What was that.. What was in that moment when I saw him" Sumedh said.

"What were you thinking?" Suhani asked.

"I was.. Sad" Sumedh answered "I was actually happy when Sayali told us that he's not in pain but.. For a minute I thought.. Why am I forced to live this miserable life where my child died because of me? I don't want that pain anymore.. And may be death will take it away"

"You were thinking about dying when you saw him?" Suhani asked.

"Yes" Sumedh replied.

Suhani became quiet.

"I know I shouldn't be thinking about dying.. But it was as if.. Someone was forcing me to think about death. Something was forcing me" Sumedh told.

"May be you're right" Suhani said "May be that's what he wants.. He wants us to join him because he feels alone"

Sumedh felt a knot in his stomach after hearing this.

"No. Suhani this is wrong" Sumedh said "We can not die"

"Wouldn't that be good?" Suhani asked "You saw it.. That other world.. Samar was there. May be that is where we belong and that is why we have so many difficulties here. May be that is our destination.. That is where peace is. The peace we both are seeking from last two months"

Sumedh kept looking at her. She was looking serious but her eyes had a different spark in them. A kind of spark which made Sumedh more anxious than he already was.

"Think about it" Suhani said.

"Suhani no" Sumedh said sternly "This is not the way to be with him. We will meet him when it's our time. When it's really our time to go in that world"

"We can alter it" Suhani said "We can make it happen right now and we will wake into the world where everything is perfect. Where we live with our baby. We will be forever united with him. No one will take him away"

Sumedh was bewildered. Suhani was proposing something which was extremely appealing. May be she was right. May be that's where they belonged. In the world where Samar was waiting for them.

"What if I think of dying" Suhani said "Will I be able to watch him?"

"I don't know" Sumedh answered.

"Can we try?" Suhani asked.

"I don't want to" Sumedh said "It didn't feel right Suhani.. When I was there.. I was watching him. It didn't feel right"

"That's because you don't belong there. But we have choice. We can go there" Suhani said

Sumedh was bemused about everything. He was feeling as if he was dreaming. As if everything around him wasn't real. Suhani was looking at him with expectation. She was expecting him to agree with her.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"I want us to die and join our baby in his world. I don't want to leave him alone" Suhani declared.

Her voice sounded different to him but she didn't seem to notice it. He furrowed his brows and looked at her.

"Bolo na kuch" Suhani said "Agar hum yeh karte hai toh I swear we will be happy. Hum jaise the pehle waise ho jayenge"

"I love you. We'll be happy at last" Suhani kept her palm on his cheek and caught his lips in hers.

Sumedh felt his heart racing faster.  It wasn't a good feeling. He didn't feel good as she kissed him.