The Denial Of Death

Chapter 3

25th March 2020

It was two in the morning. Sumedh was still wide awake. Suhani on the other hand was sleeping like there was no tomorrow.

Sumedh knew she was sleeping excessive. She was hardly awake. She would wake up and forget that Samar was dead. It was Sumedh's favorite time. She used to be normal. Smiling and talking. But at some point she would remember and that would change everything. In a second she would go back being sad.

Sumedh was trying hard to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he would hear Suhani's scream. Memories from that dreadful night would haunt him.

Suhani suddenly sat up. Sumedh looked at her.

"What happened?" Sumedh asked.

She stood up, ignoring him as if he didn't exist.

Sumedh sat up on bed "What happened Suhani?"

"Samar.. He's crying" Suhani said "I have to feed him"

"No you don't Suhani" Sumedh said "He's not crying"

"I am his mother. I know he's hungry" She said.

"I do not hear him crying" Sumedh said.

"He's hungry, he's crying, My breasts are hurting, I need to feed him. That's it" Suhani said.

Sumedh stood up and switched on the lights.

"He used to sleep in his cradle. He's not there anymore" Sumedh said "You can confirm"

Suhani looked everywhere. There was no sign of Samar or his cradle.

"Where is he?" She asked.

"He's dead" Sumedh answered.

Suhani thought for a while and took a few steps back.

"Why do I keep forgetting this?" She asked with heavy voice.

"It's okay. It'll be okay. Everything will be okay" Sumedh took her in his embrace.

"How can it be okay without him?" She asked.

"Time will heal us Suhani" Sumedh said "Have faith"

"I don't want to have faith. I want him back. Give me my baby back" Suhani declared.

"I wish I could Honey" Sumedh ran his fingers through her hair.

"Why would you want him back? " Suhani pushed him.

Sumedh sighed as he got ready to take another accusation by her.

"You didn't want the child anyway" She said and went back to sleep.

Sumedh knew he needed to be patient with her but he was tired. She was a mess and so was he but their way of grieving was different. But somewhere he knew that he was the reason behind his child's death.

This thing kept him awake for days and nights. He couldn't focus on anything. Samar's face kept flashing in front him.

Sumedh was very happy when he was born. He couldn't contain his excitement that day. He had a son.. A son!! He was so tiny and so cute. He looked like a perfect mixture of his parents. He smiled like her and his eyes shone like him.

His giggling face flashed in front of Sumedh's eyes and he felt like someone was pulling his guts. Everyday he would wake up with that feeling and it would stay there for whole day.

Suhani was asleep. Sumedh saw a paper on side table. He took it and recognised Suhani's handwriting.

'The hardest thing I've ever had to hear was that my child died. The hardest thing I'll ever have to do is to live everyday knowing that he died. He died in front of me and I couldn't do anything. Oh my beloved boy! Mamma is sorry. Sorry than she could ever be. I should've saved you. I was your mother. I should've saved you... Mamma is so sorry.