She Came In Through The Bathroom Window

Wanting and Having

As I got home that I night, I couldn't stop thinking about Paul. How his beautiful hazel eyes sparkled when they saw me, how his strong arm had felt around my shoulders, how his soft skin felt against mine. I just couldn't get him out of my mind. I kept replaying our last moments together over and over in my head.

I smiled at these thoughts as I quietly snuck upstairs to my room. I had taken off my shoes so they wouldn't make their usual squeak noise on the hard wood floor of the stairs. Once I had reached the top, I began to quietly hum Like Dreamers Do to myself. But when I opened the door to my room, I immediately stopped. Lying on my bed was the last person I had expected. He sat up at the sound of the door closing and smiled at me. I forced myself to return the smile.

Why does he have to be here now? I thought as he stood up to greet me.

He rested his hands on my hips as he leaned into me to place a soft kiss on my lips. I wish I could say that I enjoyed that moment, but it would be a lie. All I could think about was how Paul's lips would feel against mine. Maybe I just had to give Brad a chance. You could learn to love a person, right?

"I missed ya," he whispered after pulling away.

"I missed you too!" I whispered back. "How'd you get in here anyways?"

"Well, if I told ya that, it would take all the romance out of the night!" he answered with a cheeky grin.

I rolled my eyes at him and grudgingly giggled at his joke. He gave me a concerned look.

Does he know I'm not being genuine?

"What's the matter, luv?" he asked caressing my cheek with his hand.

"Oh, I'm just tired from the Cavern," I lied. "Suzie had me dancing all night long!"

"Oh," he said still holding me. "She does adore those boys!"

"She really does!" I said breaking away from his embrace. "She's dating the drummer, ya know!"

"Reallly?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah!"

I began to tell Brad about Suzie's new relationship as I walked over to my closet to pick out a nightgown. It felt good to talk about her and Ringo. It took my mind off of Paul. When I finished, I told Brad I was going to change in the bathroom.

"Alright, but hurry back! It gets awfully cold in here yano!" he whispered flirtatiously as I slipped out into the hallway.

I attempted to giggle at his comment, but it was just too difficult. While I changed in the bathroom, I wondered how long I could keep this act up. I finally came to a conclusion. I had to stay away from Paul. If he wasn't around, then I wouldn't be attracted to him and maybe I'd start to like Brad again. Simple enough, right?

When I got back to my room, exhaustion swept over me like a wave. I just wanted to crawl under my blankets and sleep. Unfortunately, Brad had other plans. As soon as I got back, he asked if he could stay the night. I wasn't surprised; it wasn't like I had never been with a guy. I did make it clear that I didn't want to do anything too drastic just yet. I mean, we had just started dating and I wanted to take things slow. Plus, there was the whole not-being-attracted-to-him thing . . .

It was difficult not to feel guilty lying there, cuddling with Brad. I was resting my head on his shoulder with his arm wrapped around me . . . just like Paul had done. I tried to push that thought away, but it was no use. Listening to Brad babble on about his day was just so boring. It was a wonder I didn't fall asleep as soon as he opened his mouth.

I really am an awful person, I thought to myself.

How could I have like Brad so much one day and now find him completely dull? The idea just didn't make any sense! How could my feelings change for him after meeting another guy? Was I really that fickle? I hoped not!

"Am I boring you?" Brad asked with an amused look on his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I said, embarrassed that I had yawned. "I'm just really tired is all."

"I can tell," he said kissing my forehead.

My eyelids fluttered shut as I gave him a small smile. I felt him reach over to shut off the light on my nightstand. Click.