Colorless * Editing :) *

Chapter 22

Chapter 22 Of Colorless: Strong Feelings For Noah

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Seeing your mother become vulnerable and hear her horrific and devastating past creates a feeling of mixed emotions, mainly anger, sadness and pity. I felt her pain, way more than I should of. I felt violated, I felt dirty, I felt angry, I felt like murdering someone; I felt all her pain.

Hearing my parents explain why my mother and I were almost killed was sickening. It was hard to stomach the fact that my mother had been molested and almost raped by her own stepfather. It was hard not to scream out in anger and go on a killing spree just for the hell of it when she told me he had beaten her till she couldn't walk or blackened her eyes to the point doctors almost pronounced her blind. While she was pregnant with me!

I was feeling that fire again, it was building up every time I heard her cry out in pain. The fire started as just a little ball of petty anger until it grew into a raging army of fiery bulls. I needed to calm down, something had to calm me down or I would explode.

This used to happen when I was younger, when the kids would pick on me. I would get so angry it was uncontrollable. My pediatrician said I had serious anger problems for a kid, and it was very important to keep me happy.

I wish I had something to punch, a stress ball; just anything. I was more than mad, and I didn't believe it when people say they see red when they're angry but I was now experiencing what they meant. I was most definitely seeing red, bloody red.

I wanted his blood on my hands, to make him feel pain like my mother did. I wanted to watch him suffer as his life slowly slipped away from him while I stare into his soon to be lifeless eyes. The sadistic feeling of my victory was sickly overwhelming and I'd be proud that the prick got to see my face before he died.

But my sadistic visions were cut short when I learned that my mother was the cause of his death. She was strong enough to give her final strike even after being beaten to a pulp. She made me realize how strong she truly was, made me realize that she wouldn't let scum bag get away with anything.

She was a true fighter and I will forever continue to grow to be the prideful, strong, brave, amazing woman she is.

After giving my mother a long hug and a kiss on her forehead, I grabbed my jacket and headed out outside to go for a walk to cool off. Noah yelled after me to wait up but I didn't listen to him and instead I kept walking.

It soon started to rain, the sky knowing my emotions so well. I didn't want to break down into hysterical tears but with every step I took, it was harder to keep them at bay.

Noah had come after me, silencing walking by my side as the rain drops gently slapped against us in a steady pace. It's like he knew that I needed someone who would help me cope with this and he was there. He knew that all I needed was silence because he knew that I was a ticking time bomb, ready to burst with tears at any moment.

So he did he only thing he could.

He held my hand and kept me close to him.

I'm not an emotional person and I hate people seeing me cry. I hate showing vulnerability and I hate when people pity me, it just makes me cry even more.

But this was something that could make anyone cry, something that can bring anyone down. And I was just now finding out about it and it hit me hard. Harder than anything else in my life, harder than breaking up with Tyler.

I never cried so much in my life, I cried to the point where I couldn't cry anymore. I couldn't imagine all that happening to someone, let alone my own mother.